For me I finally took a quilt that had Zach’s clothing and his pillowcases in it and I curled up with it holding it and crying till I finally went to sleep this morning. I miss him more than I can express and more than anyone can truely understand.
I didn’t expect the little things that have been hurting my heart to be there but they are and most of them are so silly… I have been told to get over it, to suck it up, to have a good day, to forget about it, to … well you get the point. I simply can’t… this is something that is hard to explain but losing my son, grieving not only his death but his position in this family and all the roles that I had to do effects EVERY part of my life. I can literally have a day of good erased by 1 thing that is so silly I can’t tell you because I know that you will think that I lost it. They catch me off guard and unable to be okay, yet somehow I have to carry on and be okay. Little things hurt, I am beginning to think that it hurts more that the big things, why??? Because the big things people understand and don’t question but the little things…. Well people just don’t understand