Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Trust Tuesday

So I have been challenged to do several things… two that I can think of for sure.  They were given by people that I trust that they aren't here to make me feel poorly but are here to help, guide and love on me.
1.       To start every morning and to every time that I start to feel like I can’t do this to SING out to God, to pick one of the many songs that are on my heart and sing.  Not to sing softly and to myself but to sing LOUD and out loud to God.  I still don’t know if this is something that is told to everyone or if it is something that God gave the person.  See, I love to sing, I am not good at it but I love to do it.  I don’t have a great voice but I will use it. I love to know that I can do something that no one can take away.  Music is something that is very personal… I can’t play an instrument, I can’t write music, I can’t do all sorts of thing but one thing is clear that God says just to make to a joyful noise unto Him.  So that is my desire to worship and to lift my voice and my life to God.  I have learned that there are messages in song, in music that God uses to help you and to help others.  I have a friend that constantly talks in song, if she realizes it or not I am not sure, but when I needed music she was the 1st that I went to when I needed some music to fill my mind.  Find a song that is something that you believe that you want to do that you feel. There is plenty out there, I asked her and got a case of music to choose from with much much more to chose from. 

2.      To take time out every day to do something for myself.  Some people can do this without thinking they can actually spend HOURS on themselves.  This isn’t me, I am a caretaker I rather give myself to others to be that person that can give someone a little bit of peace, to be the one that they will reach out and that I can wrap my arms around to help them go through a situation that they don’t understand.  However, to take even a min on me is nearly impossible.  I hate to be the center of attention, I hate spending money on me (I rather spend on Adam and Aden and others than on me) There are all sorts of emotions that come into play the biggest being guilt.  However, what I am learning is that God designed us to be dependent on Him.  This means that we need to have time focused on us that can be from those that love on us or it can be from ourselves. However, this isn’t just hard because it means that I have to focus on me.  It means that I have to be okay with the actions that go on.  I have to be okay with having a temper sometimes, feeling inadequate, feeling like I can get nothings done, doing things wrong sometimes, getting mad sometimes, failing sometimes, not wanting to do anything, wanting to be left alone sometimes, etc.  God designed me, He knows my path, He knows me why can’t I be okay with those things that I do that aggravate me?? I don’t know but I do know that it means that sometimes I struggle with focusing on me because I feel like I have failed.  I am learning that none of this means a failure it means that God is still working on me.  If I could do this then I wouldn’t need God nearly as much as I do, so He is teaching me to rely on Him, to trust Him in all of the things that are in my daily life.  That with all of the emotions that are in my heart that no one knows about do not erase the fact that I am worth it..

Now out of these two, I have managed to only do one routinely…. I can sing praises to God, I can be loud, I can do that.  To focus and to be okay with focusing on me, however it harder for me I truly don’t get it and it is one of the many things that God is teaching me.  I am learning how to be a true friend, I have developed some true and loving relationships, some with people that I have known for a while, it allows me to present them to the throne of Grace and Love and know that if I love them that much and if I care that much for them then… How much does God love them?  
I am striving to do these two tasks…. So What are you doing for yourself today????

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