Thursday, December 6, 2012


It has been a long time since I have written and truthfully it is for many reasons. 
Life got busy, Illness came in, Depression crept in and family and friends needed my attention (and I wanted and needed to give it to them).  Even now I am not typing on a program that I cant spellcheck (so forgive me)

God has been bringing things to my attention, this time of the year is hard for many reasons...
+Missing love ones
+Trying to figure out how to honor family that has been with you for everything. That has helped you more than you can express
+Trying to figure out how to honor friends that God has placed in your life, ones that without them you would be lost
+Being a Servant.  I have a servants heart but it is hard for me sometimes to see what I am supposed to do

This year it is a tad harder since I am also dealing with God working with my heart.  Laying things down at his feet and not taking them back.  I have been taking a class that is called "God thinks your scars are Beautiful"  A Class I was invited to at a friends church, a friend that I would be lost without that God has given me to help me sort though and deal with my story.  Not only was I invited by that friend but I recieved an email about it as well.  I figured God was giving me a hint.  God was touching my heart to let me know that I was not the ugly, scarred, horrible person that I often felt that I was.

See we each have a story, every day is a part of it... all the good, bad and ugly.  All the things that we hide and the things that we shout from the mountain tops. Very often the hurts that we have we don't share but God uses them and no matter how painful or ugly they are they are used.  God helps us through them

The things that cause our hearts to be hurt are often ones that have a lasting impact on our lives, they make scars! I am whom I am because of my past.  I don't judge because of what I have been through.  I tend to stick with people no matter what because I had people leave when I needed them.  I don't judge when someone is dealing with sexual abuse and all of the emotions that come with it because I was sexually abused, I don't turn away when someone is in a relationship with physical abuse because I was physically abused, I don't cut down and hate when someone is dealing with psychological abuse because I have had that too. 

For a very long time I have hidden everything, I am the one that everyone comes to but I don't allow myslef to deal with and sort through things.I felt embarassed, ashamed, like it was my fault, that I would be hated.  However, I am learning that the situations that I have gone through, my
"scars" are important and that God uses them.  This is the 1st time I can say that I have shared a whole lot of the things that have happened in my past.  Now I haven't hidden it all for 10 years I have been blessed with my wonderful husband who has supported and loved me every step of the way, but I truthfully didn't handle or deal with it all.  God has blessed me with a WONDERFUL friend that not only do I love dearly but has been through some of the things that I have been, Our SCARS
are similar.  I was able to share and instead of the pain, hurt and anger I thought I was going to get I recieved arms WRAPPED around me and I LOVE YOU spoken.  I was told that I wasn't alone and not only was I told that but I feel that now.  It was freeing to know that some of the things that are so part of me didn't make her hate me.  I was met at God's feet with LOVE and support.

It was a freeing and humbling experience.
I am learning to express it and so far I haven't been able to.  God however is working and I can share this Christmas I have learned that Jesus came to Redeem me.  I am redeemed!!! The scars and the past are a distant memory because God has picked me up and has this under control. 
God is using my skills and my passions daily.  He has surrounded me with a purpose and a task!  One day I will annouce my scars but until I do... know that you are not alone.  There is no emotion, hurt, word or situation that means that you are unworthy of love and friendship! We don't have to walk our lives alone, the scars are meant to be shared as our stories are too.