Thursday, October 2, 2014

I choose

I have been absent from typing simply because life got busy.  Things got hectic and well I thought maybe life was better without my few words that I tried to put into a logical sense for the world to read.  Then I was looking at something and I found pictures from the blog, they didn’t have words with them, they simply were the pictures and my heart started doing all sorts of things.  I was happy, sad, touched, hurt… well everything.  Pictures that I miss because they are of a smiling boy, well in many cases of smiles boys.  My life…. My boys!

Life has changed: I have an amazing husband who now has his B.B.A, his Masters, and his C.P.A license, I have a son who just turned 9, who now can read and hold conversations and is amazingly awesome. I know I am biased and that is okay.  I am now working and have a classroom of 21 new little ones (of chickadees and muchkins).  I have a family who walks the world for us and that I know we are taken care of and I have a best friend who I couldn’t imagine life without and who helps me more than anyone knows.  Yet on top of this I have a son who was blessed to go to Heaven.  I know he is there, my best friend while she never met him knows that he is there and helps me know that it is okay to hurt and even more okay to be happy.  Yes, life moves on! Life moves on even for me. 

Sometimes I still feel like time is stopped only for me, that the pain is so real and so painful that I can’t breathe without feeling like I am going to have my chest shatter.  Sometimes I still get mad at people who seem to think cancer is the only way to die or that certain things are better/worse to die of.  However, I can see that life moves.  Good happens, God’s grace is evident   I won’t sit here and pretend that I don’t miss people or that everything is always good.  However, I can tell you that I am stronger, that I will be always be moving towards touching as many lives as I can.  I strive to let others know that they are not alone and that no matter what they are never in it by themselves.  Its okay to hurt to be mad to want it to change but it is okay to celebrate birthdays and to see good in bad situations. 

I will look at the pictures and I will see hope, I will see joy and I will see love!