Thursday, August 30, 2012


It’s a small piece of material… probably ½ inch tall and about 2 ½ inches long.  It comes in different colors and patterns.  Some of them have characters, some are made for boys and some are made for girls.  Some of them are pretty and some of them are boring.  They actually come in all sorts of shapes and sizes.  Children tend to LOVE using them; Parents decide to give in just to stop hearing them whine.  When they are needed they are used to help people get better and they are used to make things better, typically they follow tears and screams although not always and typically kisses and hugs follow.

Any clue on what I am talking about????

If you guessed Band-Aids then you are correct!  They are little things that we use on our children when they get hurt, sometimes even placing them on booboos that don’t exist.  As adults we don’t use them often for ourselves, however, every now and thing it comes to the instance when you need them.  I haven’t had to use them a whole lot for Aden… a busted chin, a scratched knee, a bug bite that needed protection from fingers that couldn’t stay away.  I used them a lot for Zach.  To be honest, Zach had them on him a lot.  He had them for iv’s, CVLs that got pulled, PICCs that got pulled, blood draws, falls, busted foreheads, scratched arms… well you get the point.

So why am I talked about Band-Aids, it is a weird topic to be writing about at midnight.  I should be going to sleep, I should be okay but instead I am thinking about Band-Aids.  Tonight I scratched my arm and I instinctively went to my purse and I grabbed a Band-Aid out of my purse.  As I was putting it on my arm I was talking to a good friend and she asked what was on the Band-Aid, she hadn’t seen them before.  I told her they were purple with dinosaurs that are skateboarding on them; TEARS welled up in my eyes and started streaming down my face.  Someone sitting at our table didn’t understand and my friend who was being a huge help to me explained it and instantly one got it and the other one was clueless having to be explained to multiple times.  Finally it was explained… “I had an almost 4 year old son who was very seriously ill and I lost him, these were his Band-Aids, hospital Band-Aids!”  The tears kept streaming down and I sat wondering why? How? What would I do to be able to place one more on Zach, one more onto Buddy? 

Really ALL this for a Band-Aid, a small piece of material used to cover an open wound on my arm, ripped my heart open WIDE open.  REALLY, that is all I can say REALLY???

Wednesday, August 22, 2012


I have to say that I am extremely blessed to work with some amazing women, let me retype that some AMAZING, AMAZING, AMAZING women.  Notice I didn’t say perfect, I think that all of them would probably shy away from the fact that I am typing this post and yet I am still compelled to let the world know what is being laid on my heart.  I also have to admit I didn’t tell them that I was typing this post!!!

I am blessed to work with some amazing women… they walk with their emotions on their sleeves (just like I do) and they walk each step trying to make sure that God is the one that is leading them.  I am starting (just starting) to build relationships with them and I am in awe.  Some of them I got to church with, some of them I share classrooms and meetings with, some I talk to late at night and text.  Each I am learning has a direct reason to be in my life.  I am blessed to have taught and to teach some of their littles (think k2-k3).  They are encouraging me to use my strengths and admit I have strengths.  That they will brag on Aden!

I am blessed to know one of the most mission oriented women ever, her heart melts for missions… She has a true PASSION for missions and touches so many lives through God reaching through her.  She leads and sets up fundraisers for Compassion International and while I don’t know all the details I do know this.  There are several projects that have children that need to be sponsored.  By sponsoring a child you help them learn about God, have food, and be able to go to school.  This doesn’t sound like much especially here in the United States when we don’t seem to care about how much of things that we have but we want the biggest and newest.  These Children, These Families, struggle to provide a meal a day of rice and beans, they are lucky to have a one room house that is 7 feet by 7 feet, that is smaller than most bedrooms.  Our school has sponsored a child and Aden is learning what the little that he can give can provide for other families lots.  He has given money to make sure that the little boy (who is his age) has food and his family has food.  He has also prayed for the family.  It has allowed us to talk more about helping others and putting himself after others.  She is looking for people that will be willing to sponsor a child and who would be willing to donate a onetime gift to provide clean water for a family.  If you are interested please let me know!!!
Right now I am feeling blessed that Aden is in such a loving environment, that they encourage him, that they teach him about all things so He will be well rounded!

Monday, August 20, 2012

Total randomness!!!

Every time I go to write I think… Things should be different.  Well the reality is, they should be different but the truth is that we were given a responsibility to keep walking when most of the world gives up.  We walked through Zach’s life never knowing what things were going to come our way or what we were going to do.  We strived to give him the best quality of life, allowing him to enjoy things even knowing that he wouldn’t be able to do anything afterwards.  Aden lived each day not knowing where he was going or if I was going to be here to tuck him in at night.  I think every day, I should be better, I should be different I should… well you fill in the blanks.

So here I go I am writing this as part of the conversation in my head, come on in and pull up a seat, enjoy your popcorn as well. 

It is a new school year, Zach should be here, and he would love it.  Aden is here and he LOVES school.  He is at an amazing school with an amazing teacher, with people that love him and where he is learning about God.  He is accepted even with his GI issues, which let me just say, I hate GI issues… they are slowly getting better but abdominal migraines suck and they are hard to explain, we never know when they are going to happen or where.  Can you imagine being with a group of children and having an accident? He is 6.5 years old and he has accidents still, at his new school he is loved and accepted.  He has a best friend that loves him for him, she loves him and protects him, she watching out for him and they have the best of times.  He has the best time with his friend and she understands him, they have the BEST time doing things and will beg to be together.  I am delighted that he has a friend that matters that much.  He has a new class this year and he isn’t the only boy, YIPPPPEEEE!! I am so delighted and so is he.  I can’t believe that his birthday is coming up, what do I do? Where do we have it? What theme do we have? Who do we invite? We have time but this year his birthday is not going to be overshadowed by Zach’s death, we are going to celebrate Aden, and we are going to celebrate his life!!!! My amazing wonderful awesome son!  So what do we do.. have a party at a park inviting friends and family or do we just do a small family party or what. 

With being a new school year I also started a new role, I am teaching, I can’t believe that I get to do something that I love so much, to love on and to educate the littles.  It is something that I never thought that I would do, I mean I was focused on Zach and I was educating the world about him.  I was learning as I went… however now I am with 9 other little ones teaching them that God loves them and that they are so incredibly important to me.  I am reminded everyday that they are gifts, to do all that they do, to be potty trained, to talk, to eat, to grow and to love.  I get to be part of it every day and I am honored.  It is sometimes odd to think that I get to play and have a good time.  I am still sometimes amazed that I am working somewhere where the women pray for those that they worth with and are positive.  We are rolling with the changes and are learning to be there for each other.

Over a month ago I gave up Diet Coke, yes, put your tongue back in your mouth!!! I gave it up because I wanted to be healthier, I gave it up because I was having major issues with anxiety and depression and while I have several valid reasons for those issues we wanted to make sure that the caffeine and all wasn’t part of the issue.  I loved the bubble that is what I thought I would miss but truth is I haven’t missed it.  I about a week ago had some and I thought it was the worst thing ever.  I am also trying we are rolling with the changes and are learning to be there for each other. to go to the gym, with the start of school it has been really hard to do it but I am still making it… I am going to the gum and I am going on walks as well.  I have missed going when I can’t but it is a bit of a struggle trying to get used to school, having a 1st grader (wait how do I have a first grader), working, cooking, clothes, etc.  I am learning how to have a new routine!.  I am thinking about starting the new app couch25k, I would love to be able to run a 5k next year.  I am not sure if I am crazy or not!

In work and in my workout life, I have developed new friends and for that I am thankful, ones that I can be myself around... teaching me to be girly. I got my hair highlighted for the 1st time and have my toes painted, and they are even painted in a multitude of colors.  I have ones that I stay up late talking to and who understand how it is to be part of a "club" that no one wants to be part of, I have ones that met me at the gym and work out with me, ones that are willing to pray with and are interested in my life.  Yes times have changed, they should be different but truth is God knows exactly what He is doing and I just need to hang on for the ride!