If WE weren’t blessed with Zachary in the 1st place we would have never had any of this. I would have never seen how amazing Aden is. I would have thought that is was great yes, but I have to say he has a strength that is God given. I would have never realized that my heart is still in medicine. I would have never met the many of the people that I have met online and in real life. I wouldn’t be able to touch as many as I do now. Do I understand? No, I don’t but I know that through Zach’s Amazing life we were taught things that we can pass to others. I learned that Children love, they genuinely are happy and they will take whatever life throws them and they will catch it and deal. I want that ability… why as adults do we lose that? I mean I know why, cause life gets in the way, we learn that it hurts, we learn that we can’t control it, we learn that we miss them and they aren’t going to just show up to physically hold. I long to be like Aden who can curl up with one of Zach’s blankets and when asked why he says “I am playing with Zach” How sweet? How perfect?
Each day is getting a tad easier; I am learning what I need to do and what is expected. I have to admit, I am still struggling through it all. I wish I could say that I could function but I am not there just yet. I am still working, striving and hanging on. I have moments that I am totally stopped in my tracks that I can’t move. That breathing is about all I can manage to do and yet even that is a struggle. I wish I could say that I believed in myself, but it is still full of self doubt and not understanding. I wish that I could lots of things but all I can say is that I know that I am not walking this battle, this journey, alone so when I start to feel horribly overwhelmed I have sweet sweet friends who pull up and help me through. I know that I am okay, that even though I am hard on myself, I am in fact in God’s arms and am doing okay. That okay doesn’t mean that life is all okay that nothing hurts; it simply means that I know that I going to walk through the other side and be a stronger person for it. My prayer now is that if you are going through something, no matter how silly you think that it is that you know that you aren’t alone.