Thursday, August 18, 2011

Am I really still learning?

I couldn’t do this without those people that are loving on me. I am blessed; I have an AWESOME and AMAZING husband who loves me dearly. I have family who shows up in person on in a call daily. I have friends that will track me down to check on me and make sure that I am ok. I have people who know my heart and are still here no matter what. How did I get so blessed?

One of the biggest things about going through is situation (good or bad) is that you often can’t see past the situation. In this cause it is hard because it is hard to see past the hurt, past the desires of my heart. It is hard to see past the point that Zachary isn’t here anymore. However, I have to say that I am learning all sorts of things that I can only see because of the situation.

I have learned…

You never tell someone to suck it up or deal with it. That by far has to be one of the most insensitive things you can ever do. No one knows how the situation is playing out in the mind and in the heart; don’t tell someone to get over. Sometimes there are times that the person needs to move on but it is not always possible

Touch is a powerful and healing thing. I have gotten some hugs from people that I needed but I didn’t know that I needed it. Now I know that you can’t just hug everyone, Got that but you know when a hug is appropriate. There is more touch than just that. Some of the touch that means the most to me has been for someone to take my hand and pray with me, when they hand me something to touch my hand and smile. For several people in my life, just KNOWING that they will love on me and touch me when we get together is all I know. I have one person that while I don’t see her everyday, I know that I can talk to her, I know that she will let me vent to her, I know if I needed her she would be here. I know that she has walked with me just to get me started on all the emotions that I need to.
Things can be personal. There are things that not everyone needs to know. That sometimes every detail is too much, sometimes the basic things are all you need to know. Be happy with just the basics, if you hang around long enough, care long enough; genuinely desire to know long enough… then you will be told what you need to know. We are often guarded with our hearts and our words.

Sometimes faking it is much easier to do that figuring out how to put words together, put emotions together, etc. This seems weird but if you honestly think about it sometimes emotions are too much

Why Do I want you to know that faking it is easier? Well this is why… If I tell someone that I have nothing planned they say you need to do this! If you tell someone you are having a bad day they tell you to go do this? If you tell someone you are missing someone they say be glad that you had them. The feelings are there, they simply are, they suck sometimes but in those hard moments is when I have realized that the amount that I am loved is great. It doesn’t take away the overwhelmedness, the tiredness, the pain or anything else but it does help to know.
Another day to be all that God has called me to do, wonder if I can even get close today!

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