Sunday, August 14, 2011

2 Months

2 Months…. 59 days
Doesn’t seem like long does it? I never thought that it was.  However, 2 months is far too long to be without my little man, my family just isn’t complete without him.  I wonder what he is doing, if he is baking cupcakes or if he is running and playing without a button.  I wonder what his voice sounds like and what his favorite thing is now.
I know that he is with Jesus; I know that he is in Heaven; I know that he is healed; I know that he isn’t hurting anymore…. None of that erases that I miss him, that there is a hole in our family, and that he isn’t here, that we don’t see his smile or hear his voice.  None of that erases that my little precious amazingly strong little boy isn’t here with ME!!! I don’t get to hug him, I don’t get to do feeds, I don’t get to do meds, I don’t get to love on him, I don’t get to take him to the doctors anymore, I don’t get to get up at odd times to fix beeping, I don’t get take him to surprise daddy or friends anymore, I don’t.…. okay you get the point!!!
So while today I am thankful that Zach isn’t hurting anymore and I am thankful that he is with God, it still HURTS badly.  What is my take home for today? Please think about what you tell people.  The pain that is involved in Zach’s death is far greater than I can express, every little thing was affected by it, and while I am striving to move a tiny bit forward the pain literally slams me back at times, at the oddest of times.  Please know there aren’t words, there aren’t actions…. Just love on us! Don’t forget us, don’t treat us differently.
2 Months, I never dreamed of 1 day apart, 2 months is way too long


  1. Jen, None of us could ever forget you or your family and we will never forget your precious angel. I wish there was the perfect words that would heal that emptiness you feel but you know better than anyone that there just isn't. My heart breaks for you every day. I see Zach's beautiful smile in my mind every day and I always stop and send a prayer that God will wrap you in his arms and cover you with peace that only he can do. Sending you lots and lots of love and prayers.

  2. Jen, two months is a hard reality to face. But I wanted to point out to you: LOOK, you did it! I know it feels like sometimes you can't make it through the next 30 seconds. But you have done two months. I am so proud of you. Missing Zach every day for you! Love y'all!

  3. My heart is heavy with yours, Jen. I wish death wasn't a part of this fallen world; even with eternal life in heaven, the pain we're left with here is just so unfair. I'm so very sorry. Praying for you, as always.