Sunday, September 11, 2011


Today is a day when the country stops to remember all of the things that occurred 10 years ago on 9-11. I don’t mean to be selfish or harsh but I am having a hard time just remembering them. I am kinda stuck on remembering my mom and on remembering Zachary. I am stuck on remember those children that have been lost to mito this year, to the parents that have been lost to cancer, to the car accidents that occurred and took lives way too soon. They are no longer here.  All of them are missed and loved.

My mom died in 2002 and Zachary almost 3 months ago… yet I have been told to get over it, that I need to move on, that my sadness needs to be replaced with being okay. How are these two any differently? Yes, 9-11 occurred and wasn’t their faults the people that died that day were tragically ripped from their families. They went to work that morning thinking of what would be for dinner, what they were going to do the following weekend and what their family would do that night. They never made it. Those in the Towers called their families, husbands and wives, to tell them that they loved them. May God be with them, May we never forget the blood that was shed.

In the same case, this year has been hard for us. Zachary, a child that God blessed us with in 2007, was ill and continued to get ill. Adam and I had to make a decision on what the best thing was to do, why as parents was it okay to make that decision? Why is it okay for us to make a decision on bringing our sweet little boy home to die? The pain of losing a child, the pain of losing my mom is still very very real and powerful. I have been told that I am strong and honestly it is all God, every sec is a struggle. Yes, I know that it will get better but just as 9-11 is still burned in many minds 10 years later. Zachary is forever going to be in my heart and my mind so how 3 months later am I supposed to be okay. God is holding me in His lap and I know that I am going to be stronger on day but for right now my heart is broken.  I am crushed, the little things make huge differences.

We each have things that we struggle with so I am writing this to remind you to pray, to encourage, and to love on those that you know that are hurting. If you know someone that lost a loved one, be there for their hearts are hurting. It isn’t something that you can just get over and while you might be okay one sec, the next you can be floored. We need the love and the support, the encouragement of those that love us. Hold our hands and love on us for we are struggling to take each step.

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