One day at a time is all I can do. God has called me to rely on Him, because of this I don’t know what is going to happen. Why is this important or stressful? Because there is so much that I want to know. I want to know what I am supposed to be doing. If I am walking this path the way that I should be? What answers are to testing that has been done? How to help my family and friends that I am close to? The list goes on and on and all.
I have learned a ton about Grief, this is something that no one wants to know about but once you learn you realize that it is so much more involved than you could ever imagine. Grief has a ton of emotions that are involved… hurt, anger, overwhelmed, bitterness, incapable, unworthy, sadness, ashamed, alone, and many more. There are a ton of actions that are part of grief…Crying, screaming, avoidance, hitting, being shy, talking a ton, not talking at all, and many more.
The most important thing that I know is that none of it is predictable and it is all something that isn’t understood. It is like you can be fine in one sec and then the next not be okay. You can hear a song today with no problem and tomorrow it devastates you. You can be in a situation that you think that you can handle and guess what you can’t. I have learned that I am fine or will pull it together when I am with those that I trust but when I am alone or trying to get things done I get overwhelmed. I will be okay to talk and do things and then the next min have no energy to get things done and to be totally panicked.
I am learning that God doesn’t call us to walk this alone… He doesn’t call any of us to walk our lives alone. He wants us to depend on Him and He wants us to rely on His strength. In doing that He calls us to share our burdens with others and He calls us to help one another… So my goal is to reach out. My goal is to be reachable by others.