I thought that writing would get easier, I thought that if I were to put some of my emotions down I would be okay, I would feel better at least. What I am finding through is that as time is going by and events of this life occur that things become harder. That it is hard to process, there is no level of emotion that will explain, so I am going to try to explain a few things.
Life hurts, there are events that we don’t understand and things that we don’t see the way they are going to work out. There are days that I can get up and go through most of my day just thinking of Zachary but able to function, then there are other days that I don’t understand but they pop up and paralyze me in this state that I can’t express or explain.
There is a whole series of things that we don’t get to see. In this case, I don’t get to see Zach’s face when he sees the cakes/cupcakes for Aden’s birthday. In a week my family will do what we call Birthday Week. Adam’s birthday (sept 27), My birthday (sept 28) and Aden’s (Oct 1) Even when Zach couldn’t eat he loved to be part of birthdays. He loved Cupcakes, he loved to see smiles, and he loved to love on others. He loved this time of the year.
Every day when I pick Aden up at the bus stop or I take Aden to go catch the bus, I remember how much Zachary LOVED the school bus, he loved school, he loved being around people.
Every time we have to go to the doctor, no matter what doctor or for what reason, I think about Zachary and the fact that we no longer have to do that, While he is blessed to be with God, my heart aches that I can’t be there to hold him and love on him.
Everyday is a struggle, one that no one seems to understand