Heat

I am not a person who seeks out heat.  My husband however, will tell you in a heartbeat, he isn’t built for cold.  7 years ago, when Adam and I got married, I went and bought him this very large heating pad.  He made fun of it, I mean it was Jen sized, not Adam sized but I knew how bad he got stomach issues, how often he got headaches, and how bad his feet hurt.  So I bought the biggest on that I could that night not really realizing how big it was. 

Well, we have had discussions lately about it not getting as warm and it taking forever to get warm, so in the back of my head I thought, I know that he doesn’t really want anything but this would be something that he appreciated for Christmas.  I can do this, he would appreciate this.  So…there you have it an idea for a wonderful man, to make his life better.  Well I don’t like heat and tonight he threw it on me trying to get it out of the way it wasn’t hot at all, I was shocked and appalled, he needed it for his stomach and there wasn’t heat there to help him. 

So I got redressed and at 11:25pm I went to walmart to get a new heating pad.  Now standing there I had two options… 1. The new one that heats in 30 secs and was really soft and in red or 2.  The King size one; you know the huge one like what I bought 7 years before.  Well, 12 x24 is huge for a heating pad esp on a person that is 110 pounds on a bad day (or wait is that a good day).  So I stood there with the Wal-Mart lady looking at me wondering what in the world was taking me so long.  I decided to go with the King size one again.  It had been so good for Adam and many times we needed the length we would wrap his feet in it and he could rest with it instead of struggling to keep it on him.  So I bought it and came home.  When Adam got it unwrapped and saw that it was a big one he smiled ear to ear… he was thankful for the long one. 

All this to say tonight my husband is thankful for a heating pad and I am thankful that I can go to get the king one and that he could use it to sleep better. Thankful I am for heat and for my emergency run to the store.  The only downfall I can't buy it for him for Christmas anymore

Words...

When Zach got really sick for the last time, I felt the words of my heart leaving me, when Zach died I thought that I would never get my words back. I mean the words just aren’t there, how do you have a normal conversation when your heart is in pieces. For those that are reading this you might not understand this but when you are so upset and so worried do you find it easy to talk. If you are honest with yourself and with others you will get a taste of what I am trying to say… the words swirling in your head and in your heart. When Zach died, it was not only were the words swirling but they were racing so fast that I didn’t know what even start with.


A while after Zach died (the time so flows together so I don’t know exactly when), I was totally struggling with talking, I had a lifelong friend, a sister of our choice invited me to a baby shower. We knew that she was pregnant with a baby boy but we didn’t know a name at that time. In the craziness of family in her house, she and I were sitting on the sofa talking to each other, loving the time together that we don’t get nearly as often as we want or desire, she reached over took my hand and placed it on her belly. For the 1st time I understood what it felt like to feel a life, to have that jump of life be transferred to you something that we hear about but even more something that we can read a story in the Bible, When Jesus was still in the womb. Here am I with a friend and I am feeling her baby boy in her womb, I knew it was a boy, I just lost mine, it was awe inspiring to feel my words come back. Now I didn’t get them all back, but I felt some come back. This dear friend of mine who I count as a sister, allowed me to be that intimate with her to be part of that.

Several months later I decided to ask to start singing on stage again as part of the praise team at my church, for those that know me, you know that stepping off what hard but stepping on what hard as well. I didn’t know how I was supposed to help lead worship when I was struggling to hold it together. I emailed or texted the leader and instead of being shut down like I thought that I would, He told me to come on that I was welcomed back. So now I have been singing for roughly a month and I have to say there isn’t a moment that I don’t struggle…. Worshiping to me, singing to God, leading others is something that I hold very important but by being up there and being transparent: the tears, the laughter, the mistakes, the perfection… my words are being returned. They aren’t all back and I am often hit with a ton or racing thoughts and things that I can’t express, but I am learning it isn’t about the words it is about the heart, it is about being there, it is about caring. I wish I knew that all along.

I wish that I knew that it isn’t about being perfect nor doing it all, it is about caring and loving and being transparent. I wish I knew that it didn’t matter what you looked like or how much you fix it is about being there to help pick up the pieces.

Many times today I broke into tears, no rhyme no reason. This is something that I am struggling with. I want to be a light to the world; I want people to see God through me. See I know that I can’t do this alone. I know that it isn’t by my strength, I know that there isn’t something I can stop either. I feel like I used to write this blog and it made sense, that people saw it and they gained hope from it or that they at least thought that it makes sense. Now I feel like I am clueless and that I can’t write a sentence that people like much less a whole post.


Thanksgiving… Thankful for family, love, money, jobs, health, safely to name a few of the things that we are thankful for. I am thankful to keep families together. I have to admit that I am so thankful that I don’t have to walk this life by myself. See I know that I am failing at this job, I hurt, I cry, you know what I totally LOSE it. I don’t know how things are so amazing and yet hurt so badly at the same time. I haven’t figured out what that means and what it means to be so surrounded by people and yet feel so isolated. So that leads me to the Christmas season, the birth of God’s son. I was talking to someone today and realized that last year we were at the hospital and two years ago we delivered presents to the hospital for Christmas. This year we are without Zach and we are without the whole hospital experience. How does that happen?

So in this case I am learning that things hurt and things are for a reason, I know that it is for the glory of God. So that leads me to now, struggling to realize that we are wonderfully made and made to rely to on others, to need others, to have to gain strength on others. For me I am realizing that I am so very thankful that I don’t do this alone.

The pain and the hurt from Zach’s death is surfacing time and time and time again, it is something that people don’t understand. They ask… why do I think about it so much? Why don’t I just feel better? Why don’t I just move on? My short answer, because the pain is something that unless you have been through it you don’t understand. I have realized that I don’t know how to do anything but take a step at a time. It is something that is rooted in everything that we do and yet I am being told to move on. I am being expected to be happy, to walk like nothing happened.

So let me tell you this… I love my son, I love my family and I am honored to be a Moody. I have an amazing husband who is caring and sensitive and wonderful. I have wonderful in laws who are willing to walk the world for us. I have wonderful friends both new and far, who text, email, chat, and call me to check on me. I have a church that is made up of wonderful people, God fearing people and that makes a God fearing church. I am thankful that God holds me in the palm of my hand and that He loves me that much

Okay so how many times do I start this before we finish it… I started this and I was upset, so I stopped. I started this again because I was upset and Good happened so I stopped. I started this to give thanks but then started to hurt because of other things, so I stopped. I started this to say things sucked and then I realized that there is good and so I stopped. Please bear with me cause I have NO idea how to write anymore.


I have never realized how much things can go up and down, I heard it told to me that Children often grieve as a schizophrenic, meaning that they hurt one sec and literally in that same sec they are laughing and having a good time. It is one of these things that is super hard, I can’t explain it to people.

So the tree made it up, I honestly thought that it would be naked or undecorated for a bit, but to my surprise the tree got decorated. We cried through it, we tried to smile through it… but in reality we realized one thing. Things are harder than we thought they will be and we feel very isolated, lonely and misunderstood. I want to get a family ornament this year but are there 3 in our family or 4? How do we do an ornament for Aden? We get him one every year so when he gets older he will have a collection. I want to get something to honor Zach, to put on the tree every year and haven’t figure out what to get. I can’t even figure out where to go to get it. I still haven’t gotten things together to do pictures or even to figure out what we are going to. We are trying to figure out how to even think of all of this, it is so hard, we cried and cried and cried today

Holiday seasons are always special to us, we are family focused and it is even more so this year. I am learning some things are very difficult to know how they will hit you. In this case, I am learning things are very hard to know how it will hit us. Today was Zach’s favorite person’s birthday, his MaMaw. He loved her more than anyone. That hit me hard, none of us are getting hugs from Zach and we are trying hard.

So tears and laughter, pain, hurt and love we are going to walk this life. We know that everything that we are going through is for God’s glory, His grace is sufficient for me (for us). He loves us and we are walking this as a family, together so we are not alone. However, we are struggling feeling like it is a single battle that no one understands

already

I have had a hard time trying to figure out what to write, I have written several things only to read and to stop again. Everyone has been posting and writing about what they are thankful for, and then there are the birthdays…. Oh my what a busy week this must have been at the hospital. I guess the saving grace that they aren’t born the same year.


I guess this is thanksgiving week, I am going to bold enough, honest enough to write some things:

Holidays are hard, not just because Zach isn’t here but for almost 4 years our normal has been one thing and challenged. It isn’t just that Zach isn’t here physically is it is that we can’t go see him that he isn’t in the hospital, that we aren’t making new traditions. Figuring out what we want to do, need to do, and can skip, to figure out what is really part of us and what is something that can change. There is some stress in that too… pictures, cards, gifts, meeting up. Stress in trying to be who we need to be and who that truely is? Stress on trying to figure out what is really going to happen and what we are going to do and what is the most important things.

Holidays are about loving and caring on people. This is so very important to us. Without people loving on us I can promise you that life would be far tougher. This is why our house is open and why we enjoy having people over…. We can be the hug that they need.  We can be that safe place, that love!

Holidays have made my words sometimes not make sense, there are times when I feel like I can pour my heart out (either verbally or written) only to try to talk and not be able to. To say that I am okay would be a lie but yet, we are seriously asked that 500 times a day.  I dont' know how I am.

I would guess to say the biggest thing I would like you to know is that during this time it seems really lonely and isolating. Yes we have family around us and friends but it is like nothing makes sense and we are struggling. It is a time of the year that is focused on family, well part of it is missing and it isn’t just at the hospital. It is like I am that child that keeps running back to mom just to make sure she is still there, touching base only to find that not only is mom busy and no longer able to fill that need that we have.

I am thankful to have a wonderful family who will love on me no matter what. I am thankful for friends that will text me no matter the time. I am thankful for my friend who lives a world away but is 12 hours ahead so I can talk to a wonderful Christian friend when I am struggling at night

I am sitting here and have had a HARD time with things that I can’t explain…. We always joke about waiting up on the wrong side of the bed.  Well today I have to admit that I woke up on the wrong side, the complaining side.  I wasn’t mean to anyone but I was complaining about everything.  I think that for me I am hurting since the holiday season is coming, I have no idea how to do this.  It seems to be a resounding thread in my thoughts, I mean it is flying faster and faster, closer and closer and yet, I haven’t been able to piece it together.

So I am going to start by this.  I am thankful for many things; I have so very many things to be thankful for…

·         God, who listens to me and that, has blessed me beyond what I can imagine and with things that I can’t even begin to realize.

·         Adam, my husband, who is walking this journey with me.  There is no one else I rather walk with and be with through this all.  When we can’t figure out what to say and what to do, we are here with each other.

·         Aden, who keeps me on my toes and reminds me that things are amazing and wonderful

·         My Mother in law and Father in law, who I have to admit that I would totally and completely claim.  I couldn’t do this without them, I wouldn’t be able to.  They are willing to do all the things that I don’t know how to do, they LOVE Aden with their whole heart and I am honored to be in their family.

·         A HUGE group of friends that are walking with me, texting me, emailing me, iming me and I can THANKFUL, I couldn’t do it without them.  They are helping me remember that I am not in this alone.  I am thankful for all the ones that have helped me.  I couldn’t do this without you.

How do you know what to do?

There are several things that are the 1^st time we are going through things that I have no idea what to do…. We have made it past the “why did he die stage?” I know that people are going to ask that, although I have to admit there are times like today when I was at Scottish Rite with Aden that I am asked “where is your other son?” and I look at them and think “really, how do I tell you this?” to tell them that Zachary passed away June 14^th.  Today it caused someone to bust out in tears, I didn’t mean for it to but it happened.  So moments like that have happened a lot and they thankfully are becoming less and less

However, now we are beginning a whole new set of things… the HOLIDAYS! I have things that I am looking forward to, things that I know that I will be sad but want them to come and things that I know that I don’t want to happen because I don’t want to hurt in a way that I don’t know how to recover from.  I am looking forward to having company for Thanksgiving again this year so I am looking forward to that, I am looking forward to Thanksgiving service, and to cooking but I am terrified about keeping it together.  While I know that I don’t have to who likes to lose it in front of everybody, well let me answer that NOT me!

Then it is Christmas time I have been asked for a wish list which has been posted here several times (here it is again for those that want it again http://www.amazon.com/gp/registry/wishlist/29X9TFM02TWRT  If you have questions or if I can help explain something please let me know)  I look through things and I think Zach would like this, wonder if Zach can do that and it breaks me cause I realize that Zach well, he is enjoying Heaven doing things that I can’t even imagine, no earthly toy compares to it!  I realize that things that we "WISH" for are things that can't be given all the time, I can't have Zach back, I can't fix all the emotions or everything that has happened.  I realize that sometimes we would like and need things that people don't understand but they are so important to making things work.   

I can’t wait to put the tree up, Zach loves the tree, Aden loves the tree and really I love the tree, it is a way to put your heart on display.  Then I think about Christmas Cards, now if you know me you know that I love cards, I love to encourage and I love to send smiles through the mail… how do we do this? How do you take a family photo when one of you is missing? How do you schedule an appointment and make a family photograph when there is one that won’t be included? Who do you get to do it? The photographers that know your son or do you get someone else?  How much money do you spend and more so how do you pay for it when your heart is still breaking?  We haven’t figured this out yet.  Then there are stockings… Aden has one with an A on it and we never could find on with a Z on it, last year we were given 2 matching stocking for the boys… Toy Story (BUZZ) because both of the boys especially Zach LOVED Buzz.  We never got to use them.  Do we hang that one up this year? Do we hang them all up? Do we fill them? What do we do?

Okay so you get the point it is the 16^th of November and my brain is racing with all of these things that I can’t control and that we are going to have to figure out.  I am not sure that I am strong enough for this… I know that God is and I know that HE is always with me but I am struggling to figure out where to begin.  Please don’t take any of it for granted, Treasure and honor those things that can never be replaced if they are taken from you.

Hard…

Hard days, hard times, things that are not explainable. I feel like it is something that I can’t explain, but you know that all of us have been there. Where things have bothered us and we can’t love on those that we need to love on the way that we need to. In this case I have learned that it is often something that I can’t express,

So what do we do… In this case I have figured out that I don’t do anything, I wait. God’s timing is PERFECT and WONDERFUL, so here I sit! With my arms opened wide and my heart trying to relearn all the things that are being tossed at it. This is so important as life is changing and things are happening.

Aden is doing so well, he loves his new school and I am feeling quite blessed that he is there, he is doing well and loving to learn. He is able to eat there at school and it isn’t too hard on his stomach. He knows all of his classmates’ names; he should since there are only 5 others. He is learning other things like whose family had multiple children and all that. I got to do one of the projects with the children and I am delighted that he will get many more. He is starting to read and that is wonderful, there is nothing like hearing Aden read, it is amazing to me. Then on Friday we will get to have a thanksgiving feast and I am so so so excited about it. He is so excited to be learning and is constantly asking things. He is learning about God’s love as well.

So as hard as things have been we are learning there is a new normal, not sure what that will feel like or what it means but I know that God is there

5 months

What do I say? 5 months, well it pretty much sucks, would you like to know why? Because in 5 months, I have changed my life radically, I have lost friends, I have changed, I have struggled to remember the good, I have grown, and I am now starting to laugh.  In 5 months, my life is becoming something.  I have gotten my voice back, singing once again.  Now that I have my voice back I am struggling to articulate everything, which is frustrating.  I have a job again, which is the 1^st time in not only 5 months but in the past 6.5 years.  It is a new step. 
 

I miss Zach in my arms, I miss hearing Aden and Zach playing and laughing.  Zach’s death affects everyone, not just me but Adam and Aden as well.  I am struggling to figure out how to set this aside and look at ALL of the GOOD.  There is SO much good.  I know that I am blessed and I know that my family is.

Thanksgiving is coming up and I am thinking about that.  Thanksgiving is a FAMILY day and we are getting to be together celebrating, we will be one short but I am so nervous about it.  Then Christmas, I have been asked a ton of times about all the things that are going on for Christmas.  I don’t know what is going happen, all I want is to celebrate the good things, the family that we have and all of the things that we are blessed about.  I get asked what Adam wants, what Aden wants, and what I want.  I put together a list but I don’t know what all to put on it so in this case, for those that asked this is just a bit of ideas, I don’t expect, we don’t expect anything.  I was told that by doing an Amazon list that it can be sent directly to us.  So please feel free to ask me questions, we are learning as we go.

http://www.amazon.com/registry/wishlist/29X9TFM02TWRT/ref=cm_wl_act_vv?_encoding=UTF8&filter=all&sort=priority&layout=standard&visitor-view=1&reveal=unpurchased

All we know is that we miss Zach and that we are going to take this each step at a time.  5 months seems like forever, but we are encountering things that we have never faced before.

No words

I was talking to a friend through Facebook the other night and I struggled to express myself to her. See tomorrow will be 5 months, it isn’t today but tomorrow but yet I am struggling today with tomorrow being 5 months, as I got dressed this morning to get ready for church today I looked and looked for a necklace that I thought that I had. Something to remind me that Zach was still with me. Something to help me know that my love for him is still okay, as I looked and looked and looked, I couldn’t find it. I don’t know if I imagined it or what but I was saddened. I looked in my earrings and found a pair of ruby hearts and put them in my ears. When I was pregnant with each of the boys I sung on praiseteam, today was my 3rd time back in well over a year, I think we figured it was close to two years. So as I was getting ready this morning I was hurting and wanting God to touch my heart, to be healed some as stood up on stage and worship, not only worship but lead. I kept wishing that I could find that necklace that I thought that I had. Something to represent my son? I am praying still that something will touch my heart and will fill that space.

I struggled to tell her my fears, my hurts, my dreams… but I also struggled to tell her my hopes and the good things. What I have learned is that there are times that I hurt and that it is all that I can feel. There are times when I think about the losses and I wonder, how do you take the bad things and let them not rule you? How do you express your love when you hurt? How do you be a friend? How do you open up and cry? The hurt is just so so real.

PLEASED TO SAY!!!!!!!!!!

I am totally and utterly pleased to say that ALL of Aden’s blood work has come back, we are fairly confident that we aren’t dealing with mito, there is some chance that it is partially due to a metabolic issue but nothing that is life threatening or huge. The only thing that is really abnormal blood wise is his Vitamin D level, he has been on a supplement which is a huge dose but hopefully it is helping, we will have more blood work to see.
Aden’s GI issues are still rampant and often out of control. He cannot control his stooling and he is having pain. What the doctors are thinking that he is dealing with is something called an Abdominal Migraine. I only know about this because of Zach and because we know a few others that have to deal with it. The simplest way to explain it is that it is a migraine that is presented through the abdominal area. This would be like pain, bloating, nausea, vomiting, being pale, wanting to lie down and not wanting anything to touch his stomach. We have noticed things on and off but never said much, however, when addressing other issues one of Aden’s doctors and I started talking about it because it is becoming more apparent. He has started to request certain clothes to help, even sometimes asking to wear inappropriate clothes because of the comfort. In his case he prefers athletic or sweat pants, they are just the stretchy waist band and don’t apply the pressure in the middle of his stomach like the ones with buttons do. He often will come on and change immediately because he needs “a softer pair of pants/shorts”


This is something that while we hate it, it is OKAY~ It isn’t something that has a GOOD treatment but it is one that has some treatments to at least try, it is one that is often outgrown (or people learn to cope with well), the bad thing is that goes into migraines (headaches) however the good thing is that once we learn the patterns, symptoms and pains we can help him with these.   He already gets migraines some and for our family that isn't a shock.  Adam, Zach and I also all get Migraines.  I had to give injections to myself at one more, Adam is on a preventative drug, and Zach took the only med that was on the market for his weight class. 


The hardest thing for me is that I can’t seem to help much, the other thing is pull-ups and clothes and knowing what to do about them all. It is a grieving that I would have been able to handle but combined with other things it is something that I am learning to deal with

I have to say i don't understand

What we go through sometimes isn’t something that you can explain or even understand. I know that there are things that I don’t get and I don’t understand. I don’t understand the pain, I don’t understand the hurt, I don’t understand God’s plan. All I do know is that I believe that God’s plan works together and that plan is perfect, a plan that He controls and handles. I know that He loves me and that He has sent me a number of amazing people that LOVE on my whole family.


God’s love isn’t something that runs out, it isn’t something that we have to seek for or dig to find. God’s love is something that is hanging out waiting for us to grab a hold and cling to them. As a mom, honestly, sometimes we forget this. As a mom we teach our children, we love our children, we provide for our children. As a mom we see the things that our children do and we see all of the happy, wonderful, talented and wonderful things. As a mom, our hearts break when the things that we desire don’t occur. I can honestly say that we grieve when things aren’t happening in the manor that we desire. Our child hates sports, can’t sing a note, can’t etc. We grieve that. We grieve when our child struggles in school, receives a medical diagnoses, are friends with people that aren’t good for them, are in a dating relationship that isn’t good. Our lives are full of things that we can grieve.

I have been asked a number of times to make a wish list for our family… This is something I am working on. I have been praying about what to put on the list. I have been praying, it is something that is hard for me I don’t want to seem selfish, however, I have been asked by several, several want to bless my family. So when I post this list it will be for those… There will be things that aren’t on this list that we need but these are the things that I could find on Amazon. Feel free to ask me if you have a question, you can email me (skippyjas@ gmail.com no space)

The Amazon Wish List address it The Moody's

http://www.amazon.com/gp/registry/wishlist/29X9TFM02TWRT


Please know that this is only for those that have asked what they can do or what they can get for us for Christmas

rambling

Today there is a line that is running through my head over and over and over again. I am not sure why, I don’t even know all the words of the song, while every time I hear it I think that I do but I will be honest I don’t. I wonder what it is really talking about each time.


The line…. “May the Circle be unbroken by and by Lord, by and by” That at least is the way that it is being played in my head. In my heart I am struggling with this because there are so many things that we want to be broken. Now remember that I said that I don’t get it that I don’t understand what it means or what it is talking about but I do think about it on days like today when the line just keeps replaying over and over again. When it comes to abuse and to death you don’t want it to cont over and over again. You don’t want to hear that the circle of death is occurring over and over again, taking people long before they should in our minds die or before we are ready for them to die. So that circle we want to be broken, we don’t want every woman in our family to die at 50 or to have brain tumors (cancerous or not). We just want that circle to be broken. We don’t want the circle of abuse to continue, we want the abuse to stop, and we want everyone to realize that they are worth something that they can make it and that it will all be okay, that they are worth more than to be beat up on or talked down upon. Again, we WANT that circle to be broken.

Now I understand that some circles we want to never be broken. We want to always be surrounded by love, we want to always be with people that will love us and will help us, and we want to be making a difference. We want to always be lifted up to God in prayer; we want to always be doing the best thing that we can do

This is something that I can’t explain, why is this going in my brain, why is it spinning? Is it because life is changing and while I want the good to continue, I want the pain to stop, I don’t want another person to ever feel the way that I do. I don’t want another person (young or old, male or female) to be touched by mito. I don’t want another family to be touched with any illness. I just don’t, I don’t want the pain of any illness or any sickness to a reality for another person.

ups and downs, but no words

Another day and I can honestly say that I am without words, I have had a hard time lately because I don’t know what to say. In the past week I have been exposed to a rainbow of emotions, the wonderfulness of awesome things and the hurting devastation of the hard horrible things.


A child going to be with Jesus

A mom going to be with Jesus

Listening to a child who is starting to read

Hearing a child say Yes Ma’am or Yes Sir

Seeing a friend that you don’t get to see

A friend who is leaving her husband and has to take care of her children

Reading an article where your son was mentioned, that the word of the disease is getting out

Reading an article where your son was mentioned and realizing that he is dead



Yes, the ups and downs are so very real, the emotions are real. You aren’t ready for them, they come and they crush your heart. I have a friend that I miss more than I can admit. It isn’t something that I can express all I know is that for whatever reason, God allowed them to be taken from me. I think about her often and I wonder how she is doing and how things are going. I hold her close to my heart. My heart cries every time I think of her.

Then I think Aden going to a new school. He loves it, it isn’t something that we took lightly, and it was only after Aden had two days of testing to see where cognitively he was and how he was doing that we considered it. We had planned on waiting till Jan., however, we had several things that occurred that I no longer could ignore. Aden, who is a wonderful child, was having negative reports every day. Now I know that he isn’t perfect but he isn’t a bad child. We moved him to a private school, he is now one of 7 in his class, they are able to let him move as fast as he wants and he is showing that he is far more capable of what he was doing.

In doing this switch, God blessed me as well; I was interviewed and asked to be a preschool para and resource teacher. This is the 1st time that I have worked since I have had a job. The last time I worked I was pregnant with Aden. My world is totally different; HOWEVER, I can say God has totally blessed me. For those that don’t know my passion is teaching children 2-5 years old and then special needs children. So what I am doing know is amazing, it was planned by God. I am enjoying it greatly and while there are still huge ups and downs…like when I am working with children that would be Zach’s age. I am feeling very blessed.

awesome

Sometimes there are things that we start that take forever, well in this case Adam started something a year ago and he has been working hard on it. He has been studying a lot, and trying to learn all the things that he needed for the exams. As most exams he struggled to learn everything that he needed to know and to know it to a degree that he could answer the question to the degree that he needed to know.


In October, Adam took the 4th and final part of the CPA exam. He took 3 of the parts and did well, passing them and therefore being done with those sections. Then he took the 4th exam in May and failed it. We both were okay with that. We hated it because of having to pay for the exam again but we understood it was a stressful time for all of us but esp him dealing with Zach being so sick, the hospitals, working, studying and Aden. I was sad that he had to take it again but I understood and tried my best to encourage him not to give up and to keep going. So as we waited for the exam to be graded, I knew that we weren’t waiting on the results as much as were waiting on Aden to take the 4 sections and to declare then DONE. For Adam to reaffirm that this journey, at least this part, is done.

I am thankful that I am blessed enough to go through this with him. CONGRATULATIOINS ADAM.. you are my love, I love you more than you will even know

Two things…

In my heart and on my mind… I can’t help but feel the tear, the pull of two things that I am not sure that I can explain. In this case I feel so tired. Tired, because I feel the sadness and pain of yet another family that lost a child and then I also feel the excitement of see and being part of God’s creation. I realize that there are things that I don’t know how to handle that only God is able to do. I have a family and I have friends that are only by God. However, that doesn’t mean that things are less hard or frustrating.

1st yesterday was a rough day for people that I know. One of the families that we know off line had a child that went to be with Jesus last night. This was something that was so hard and so much pain. I never have been told before yesterday… Zach has a new friend. Then I found out that a friend of mine who has a wonderful little boy, had to have a CT scan of his head, while he was in the CT scan machine he stopped breathing several time. A hard hard day. It was a hard day for someone that I know that is trying to decide how to handle all the things that they are going through: relationships, job situations, and money situations. It was a HARD day for me, lots of changes in the Moody household. Trying to deal with all of the things and all the emotions and the deaths and illnesses it HARD. It is tiring. Sometimes God doesn’t give us the words He just holds us in His hands. We aren’t called to fix it. We are NOT called to have the right words or to make it better, we are called to be good friends and to help those that we can.

2nd… Today, I went up to apple country and I was able to have a great day… to see all the trees. Orange, yellow, red, brown… it is amazing and breathtaking. It makes me wonder how God orchestrated all the colors and why He decided that we needed so many lovely colors. However, today it was a perfect reminder that everything is for a season. That there is a God ordained time for everything, for all the good things and for all the bad things. That there is a time for being born and for death, to laugh and to cry I have learned this well lately. It was a gentle reminder that it is going to be okay, that God has a plan.

My husband

I have had such a hard time writing today I would love to say that I know what I am supposed to write but I don’t know. I know that today has been a good day; I know that I am blessed.  I have to say that I have the best husband ever.   I am thankful for family and for friends that care. I have learned that sometimes emotions are just there. There are times that all you can do is pray, or struggle, or hurt, or love. I know that I am praying for family and for friends today.  I know that I can be proud of my husband

I write about Zach a lot, I write about me a little, I write about Aden a little but I rarely talk about Adam. I would love to tell you about him. Adam is my wonderful husband. He and I celebrate our birthdays one day apart from each other. He is a wonderful Christian. Loving and devoted. I am honored to know him and even more honored to call him my husband. He is waiting to hear about the last part of the CPA exam that he took at the beginning of Oct. He took the other 3 parts and has passed them. So we are waiting to see. He is smart and always willing to help and is amazing.

Adam goes to work as an accountant, which he loves to do and he is so amazing at it. He is very technical and is always working on learning more. He is always trying to improve the things that he comes in contact with. He is an amazing Sunday school teacher. He is approachable and loving. He listens and strives to be the most help that he can be. Adam loves about all those that he comes in contact with.

I am thankful for him, thankful for him to allow me to be who I am and who Aden is. He is striving to be more Christ like daily. I love him greatly

New Start for Aden…

So today was a new start for Aden… he started a new school today! We went to class, we went to the library, and we did so much. When I left this morning it was hard for me, he was apprehensive and was concerned about knowing how to do things. I reassured him that he would be fine, that he was going to be in his class doing class work and that he would have a great time. For a child who normally isn’t worried about it and is pretty much “a don’t look back child”. I was concerned.

I showed up a tad early because it is about 45 mins from our house so I didn’t want to drive all the way back home, I got to see him enjoying himself. I got to hear him playing and it seemed to be wonderful. I picked Aden up and gave him the option of the playground or the library. I was shocked when he asked for the library. I later found out that he wanted a shark book and a dinosaur book. We got those and he played 15 mins of a reading game and we headed home.

He had a wonderful time and was so excited talking about all that he did and telling me about new classmates. I am so thankful that we were given this opportunity, We moved him for several reasons. One was that he needed to be challenged more. However Adam and I wanted also to allow Aden to be him. We wanted him to learn scripture and who God is. We want him to be able to work and be challenged but I wanted him to be able to be upset, sad, or need a tad more emotional if he needed it. Losing a brother is a HUGE deal, what he has been through is HUGE and having a smaller class will be a wonder for thing for him. Being in a small class will also allow his personality to shine. He will be allowed to be wonderful and ADEN!!!!