tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-85378632311919101832024-02-07T03:48:22.166-05:00The Moody TalesThe everyday lives of our Moody little family!Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16097143820234888686noreply@blogger.comBlogger254125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8537863231191910183.post-55191709788479067002016-01-04T17:04:00.003-05:002016-01-04T17:04:41.441-05:002016
<br />
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<span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Its 2016 and I should be thinking of all the new and
exciting things that are coming our way.
I should be remembering all of the amazing things that this past year
had for us. Truth is I am hopeful; I am
thankful that I am promised by God that He will never leave me nor forsake me
(Hebrews 13:5). I am thankful that I am
God’s child, that he chose me and that he loves me (2Corinthians 6:18). I am thankful for trials that have reminded
me that being in the fire refines us and makes us stronger and purer (1 Peter 1:7).
</span></div>
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<span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Truth is 2015 was a continuation of trials that have
reminded me that we are called to help, called to love and called to do all
that we can do for those around us. I
can say sometimes a drink is all we can afford but can change a life. I can say sometimes we have a second for a
text and that text helps bring a smile to a face. I can say that sometimes time is more valuable
that an amount of money. I am blessed to
have people in my life that have poured into me and helped me remembering in
the storms there are rainbows. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I am a different person now than I was 5 years ago and
because of that I am going to strive hard to be the light that people may need,
I am going to try to love all that I can love and I am going to try to be a positive
difference in those that I come in contact with. I want to be real though. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">See I know that sometimes you don’t know what is going on
unless someone tells you, I know that sometimes you may be trying to take it
second by second because literally looking a minute ahead is too long. I am here to say that you are not alone. You are never alone, have the courage to
speak up. Have the guts to ask for help,
to ask for a second of someone’s time, to ask for a drink, a laugh, a hug. Share a smile and say Thank you. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">December 2015 was rough for me, it was hard faces battles
that I have seen before with different faces, it was hard to realize that I
each step had to be taken at by itself, one at time. It was filled with illness and death. It was filled with reminders that life has
changed. I won’t lie and say that I
understand the plan or that I am okay with the plan. I won’t lie and say that the waves of grief
and pain don’t hit hard at times. I will
say I am blessed, I have a loving husband and son. I have loving in-laws and family that walk
the world for me. I have extended family
who loves me. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">So what do I want in 2016… I want to walk tall, support
those that need it, make sure no one ever feels alone, be a light for God and
show His love to others, and I want to smile when all I feel like I can do is
cry. Why smile? Cause I know I am
blessed and have a lot to be thankful for</span></div>
<b></b><i></i><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike></strike><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"></span><span style="color: #38761d;"></span>Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16097143820234888686noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8537863231191910183.post-19108602171897401722014-10-02T19:11:00.001-04:002014-10-02T19:11:19.941-04:00I choose<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidjutbnhf8Xf7hsIdzGo5XlekeaTtVxnmHzhDxOQmhetUmn4Uc-v0Q-SWxnxKqimqy79lXXbvjmckeSKKlFoPfdZaoG9hfANkUhCZgDD0A8dPUzw4AYGAm-isrH1FpxbKMaRNqb_XX7ksV/s1600/Moody-54.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidjutbnhf8Xf7hsIdzGo5XlekeaTtVxnmHzhDxOQmhetUmn4Uc-v0Q-SWxnxKqimqy79lXXbvjmckeSKKlFoPfdZaoG9hfANkUhCZgDD0A8dPUzw4AYGAm-isrH1FpxbKMaRNqb_XX7ksV/s1600/Moody-54.jpg" height="213" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="color: #7f6000; font-family: "Estrangelo Edessa"; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #7F6000; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent4; mso-themecolor: accent4; mso-themeshade: 128;">I have been absent from
typing simply because life got busy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Things got hectic and well I thought maybe life was better without my
few words that I tried to put into a logical sense for the world to read.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then I was looking at something and I found
pictures from the blog, they didn’t have words with them, they simply were the
pictures and my heart started doing all sorts of things.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was happy, sad, touched, hurt… well everything.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Pictures that I miss because they are of a
smiling boy, well in many cases of smiles boys.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>My life…. My boys! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="color: #7f6000; font-family: "Estrangelo Edessa"; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #7F6000; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent4; mso-themecolor: accent4; mso-themeshade: 128;">Life has changed: I have an
amazing husband who now has his B.B.A, his Masters, and his C.P.A license, I
have a son who just turned 9, who now can read and hold conversations and is
amazingly awesome. I know I am biased and that is okay.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am now working and have a classroom of 21
new little ones (of chickadees and muchkins). <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have a family who walks the world for us and
that I know we are taken care of and I have a best friend who I couldn’t
imagine life without and who helps me more than anyone knows.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yet on top of this I have a son who was
blessed to go to Heaven.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know he is
there, my best friend while she never met him knows that he is there and helps
me know that it is okay to hurt and even more okay to be happy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yes, life moves on! Life moves on even for
me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #7f6000; font-family: "Estrangelo Edessa"; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #7F6000; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent4; mso-themecolor: accent4; mso-themeshade: 128;">Sometimes I still feel like
time is stopped only for me, that the pain is so real and so painful that I can’t
breathe without feeling like I am going to have my chest shatter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sometimes I still get mad at people who seem
to think cancer is the only way to die or that certain things are better/worse
to die of.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However, I can see that life
moves.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Good happens, God’s grace is evident
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I won’t sit here and pretend that I don’t
miss people or that everything is always good.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>However, I can tell you that I am stronger, that I will be always be
moving towards touching as many lives as I can.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I strive to let others know that they are not alone and that no matter
what they are never in it by themselves.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Its okay to hurt to be mad to want it to change but it is okay to
celebrate birthdays and to see good in bad situations.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #7f6000; font-family: "Estrangelo Edessa"; mso-style-textfill-fill-alpha: 100.0%; mso-style-textfill-fill-color: #7F6000; mso-style-textfill-fill-themecolor: accent4; mso-themecolor: accent4; mso-themeshade: 128;">I will look at the pictures
and I will see hope, I will see joy and I will see love! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16097143820234888686noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8537863231191910183.post-8282007155349565252014-07-10T15:11:00.000-04:002014-07-10T15:11:40.430-04:00Pouring my heart out: <br />
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<span style="font-size: 18pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">One of my
best friends just had a life changing event, one that she will one day recover
from but she will always be changed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It
is something that changes her and makes her wonder if she could have done
something different or if she was bad.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>One day she simply texted me and told me that the little one that was
growing inside her is no longer alive.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Without warning the excitement and joy of being pregnant again, of
having another precious one was ripped away from her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She was only weeks pregnant, I say that like it
makes it better.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Deep down I know, well
no I don’t I assume, there is nothing that will make it better.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You simply develop a new normal.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Whatever that means, I know that I can love
her, support her, listen to her without judgment and hold her when she needs me
too.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I pray daily that she knows how
much I love her and that I AM here. I listened to her as she tried to get meds
from the pharmacist and the days as her body did what it needed to do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My heart broke and I suddenly realized that I
had no idea how hard it was. That this was one more thing that over the 30 years we have shared together</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 18pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The other
day I was thinking about her, I was thinking about what we do when we
unexpectedly loose a child, what do we do if we know that we will be losing
someone that we love.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For some unknown
reason a page popped up in my newsfeed on FaceBook.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was of a beautiful couple whom I don’t
know holding a baby that didn’t survive outside of the womb.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They were holding each other in a beautiful
picture that I can say they will never get a chance to make again, made in the
hospital right after birth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This
organization is called “Now I lay me down to sleep” (</span><a href="http://www.nowilaymedowntosleep.org/"><span style="color: #0563c1; font-family: Calibri;">www.nowilaymedowntosleep.org</span></a><span style="font-family: Calibri;">).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They (the photographers) go into the hospital
at a time when tears and heartbreak is common.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>They provide pictures for the family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Ones that they can look at whenever they may feel ready no matter when
that may be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some rejoice in having that
special family picture immediately some have to wait years before they come to
a point in their grief to accept it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-size: 18pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">My friend’s
baby was too young for this service but I found it touching that this was
offered and wondered if someone else that I knew may need this service at some
point.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wanted to spread the word and
make sure people know that no matter what happens they are not alone. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 18pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">See I still don’t
know what to tell my friend, HONESTLY, I have no idea what it feels like to
carry a baby in your womb and then have it die before you even get to
deliver.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I look at the picture that is
over my mantle and think that is the last family picture that I will have of my
whole family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was taken two days
before Zachary died.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It calms my heart,
so what do I say to my Best friend who will not have that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am sorry “dirt” that I don’t have the
words.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am sorry I don’t know what to
say, I am sorry that I can’t help somehow.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I don’t know what to do or say but I can tell you what I do know: <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 18pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-size: 18pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Losing a child is never comfortable,
it is never okay.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 18pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-size: 18pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Once you lose a child you lose part
of your heart, it will forever be longing.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 18pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-size: 18pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">It doesn’t matter how old the child,
you will always wonder what life would be like. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 18pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-size: 18pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">It doesn’t matter how much time you
have with your child, once they are gone, it HURTS more than you can explain,
your world stops and you have develop a new sense of normal. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: 18pt; line-height: 107%;"><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 18pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I love you “dirt” and I am delighted that over all the years I am still
here with you! I will always be here<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16097143820234888686noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8537863231191910183.post-41206495561221364182014-06-29T16:55:00.002-04:002014-06-29T16:55:09.348-04:00Mountains, Molehill!
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<span style="font-family: "MV Boli"; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 107%;">There are moments when you just kinda curl up, pulling your knees up
to your chin and hide under the covers praying that no one sees you or needs
you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In our society we have phrases that
let others know that we are struggling with things.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The main phrase runs through my head right
now is “making hills out of molehills”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We often use this phrase when dealing with something negative, mostly
when people can’t handle a situation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I,
however, would like to challenge you to use this phrase positively.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: "MV Boli"; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 107%;">Immediately after Zach died we took one 9x12 box full of items and
took them to the hospital to be given to others that were in the hospital and
facing times like we were no longer going to get to have.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In that moment on that day when I will admit
I wanted to do nothing but curl up and hide, I wanted to try to touch more than
just me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I tried to reach outside of
myself and touch others, to remind them that they weren’t alone and honestly
that well it was worth it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "MV Boli"; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 107%;">Fast forward to 2014, 3 years later and I can say I think that
molehill, I mean 9x12 box, has become a huge mountain.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This year I prayed that we could touch as
many lives as possible, that we could touch Moms, Dads, Brothers, Sisters and Patients
themselves.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I prayed that we would touch
Doctors and Nurses.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I prayed that we
would touch anyone that might need a smile or a simple reminder that they were
not alone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: "MV Boli"; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 107%;">In praying this, I took action, I emailed and facebooked my heart
out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Asking everyone to pray, to donate
items and to make a different even if was just for one person.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was immediately amazed to get my first box
of items donated. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The box was full of
items, it was more than one life touched.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I thought “ok God Thank you!” and I thought it would be done.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well as my pleas went out and things
straggled in I was worried that this was the year that time went on. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "MV Boli"; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 107%;">See one of the hardest things about losing someone that you love is that
the world goes one.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The people that
flooded you at the funeral leave, those that helped are gone and you’re left
picking up pieces.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was worried that
this would be the year that my sweet strong amazing little boy would be forgotten
not because people forgot him but because time moved on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>People got busy, money got tight, Children
got older and well time flies by.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "MV Boli"; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 107%;">Then one day I got a text, simply saying “I need to talk to yall”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yall being Adam, my husband, and myself,
after several hours and several texts later I was shocked to think that my church
was going to use Remembering Zachary as the missions project.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now if you know anything about VBS and penny
wars, this was and is a huge deal.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Every
night we took Aden and we went to VBS, we worked and listened to the lessons
that were being taught, listening to their goal in awe.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>God is faithful to complete that which He
starts, and truthfully I was praying for $100 maybe $200.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then it hits me that they were not just doing
pennies but they were collecting some of the items that could be used at the
hospital as well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not only was that but
my mountain was built even more as I was asked if the children could help fill
some of the bags and if they could be involved.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "MV Boli"; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 107%;">This morning, Tara Baptist Church ended their VBS in the morning service.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The mission is explained to everyone that is
there, since not everyone makes it to VBS and a total was given.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The total was $500.85, this alone shocked me,
really, you’re kidding me right! That is huge.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Well see my mountain wasn’t tall enough, this isn’t the end of this
story.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The God that made Zachary
perfect, that loved him enough and blessed him by allowing him to die, wasn’t
done yet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Walking out of the doors I was
grabbed and asked if I had heard the new total… “Yes, it was announced” her
response…”no, that wasn’t it, want a new total?” Now I thought one or two more
dollars maybe fifty dollars.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "MV Boli"; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 107%;">Nope God made my molehill, my little to do about nothing, and made
it huge, a huge huge mountain.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Grand
total was $871.42<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now I will Confess I
had no clue that God would bless us so much that God would give us a mountain,
that we would be able to touch so many but I am reminded God can do anything
that if you ask Him and if you are in His will, He will be faithful. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "MV Boli"; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 107%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "MV Boli"; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 107%;">Tara people: THANK you!!!! I am beyond blessed and shocked at everything
that was donated, thank you for allowing us to share about Zachary and to be
reminded that he was very much part of the church.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Thank you for missing him, loving him and
caring about us!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Thank you for allowing
us to share love and smiles to so many more people than we ever know.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16097143820234888686noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8537863231191910183.post-55221941529819540822014-06-11T07:53:00.003-04:002014-06-11T07:53:19.320-04:00Times....
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">There are times that we simply have to sit and wonder about
things…. Each of us do this.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sometimes
we simply wonder how an old friend us doing or what would have happened if we
chose to go into a different field.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As
parents we wonder if we are empowering our children to be successful and
productive citizens of their communities.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>As children we wonder why our parents had ways for us to do things, if
there was a reason behind it or if it was simply how things happen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I can go back and I can think as younger adult I can remember
wondering about if I would finish school and be successful, if I would ever
live on my own successfully, I knew that I would but I wanted to be successful
and not struggling to make ends meet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
wondered if I was going to ever date, marry, and have a family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I can as an older adult (not calling myself or anyone else
old) I can say that I still very much wonder about things… I wonder how things
work together, I mean I know that everything that is occurring or everything
that has occurred all is orchestrated by God’s hands.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not only is it orchestrated and planned by
God but it is for a reason.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Now I can type that I did in fact graduate from high school
and I even got a B.S. in College, I did marry a wonderful man and gained an
amazing family with his love, I have been given amazing friends that have
become part of my family. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I do work and
make a difference in lives, and I was in fact given one of the most amazing,
touching, rewarding, difficult gifts in the world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was chosen to be a Mother. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">As a mother the looking back on how life could be different happens
all the time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It isn’t always serious
life changing things that we wonder about but as a mom we do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What would have happened if I had let them
sleep longer? Why couldn’t she have just worn what I wanted her to? Why did my
son have to wear his super hero pjs again out? Why can’t I get things
done?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For a few Mom’s that I know those
things that we worry about are a tad more serious.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Do we do this surgery? Do we take the summer
off of therapy? Do we tell people how sick they are? What do we tell the
family?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For a few of my friends they
have the overwhelmingly painful experience of having a miscarriage.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For those their tender hearts not only wonder
but they doubt… Am I good enough? Will it happen? Did I do something wrong? Do
I share with people that I lost a baby? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">This week is a week that I wonder a lot… I used to think
that Birthdays were the only time that people really sat and wondered about
what happened, is happening or what might have been.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have learned in the past 3 years that in death
we do the same thing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I would like to
make this clear before I even start. I know where Zach is, I know that since he
is blessed enough to be in heaven, he is healed and whole.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However, in knowing that doesn’t take away
that it has been a while since I have had my baby in my arms, loved on him,
heard his voice, touched his skin, heard his giggle or taken care of him. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I wonder what he would be doing. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wonder if he would be sicker or if he would
have stabled out? I wonder if he would have new equipment, I wonder if he would
have finally made friends, I wonder if he would enjoy school, <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wonder if he would be talking more, if he
would still be into elmo or if his big brother would have introduced him to a
new character, I wonder if cupcakes would still be his thing, I wonder if his smile
would have gotten bigger. I wonder if people still remember that I have two
children, if I should say that I have two and go through why one isn’t here
with me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wonder… yes, I wonder. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I also look back and see all that we have been blessed with….
I am blessed that our family endured illness, treatments and death together all
a whole and became stronger.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We didn’t
say we wouldn’t or couldn’t handle it and no one walked out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am blessed that I have an amazingly in
tuned son, who doesn’t see disabilities or differences.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am blessed that I have gained some friends
that go through things that on one will ever know but still show up every
chance we get to love on me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am
blessed that God has given me the ability to love and grow and become
stronger.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">This week I am blessed to be able to go back and look at
pictures and read about events that swirled around quickly in 2011.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I get to see pictures of going to pick up an
amazing cake made by one friend, commissioned by another friend, and brought to
our area by another friend,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>See that is
a confusing sentence!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>3 separate friends
working together to help us do something that we didn’t know how important it
would be at the time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I get to see
pictures of our Make a Wish trip, to see smiles and the love that we shared
during our last trip being a family of 4.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I get to see my husband loving on my son and the smiles, the love that I
miss and I know that he does as well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
get to see me holding him at one of the last family outings that we made
breakfast at IHOP. I get to see pictures of people coming in and out of our
home to loving on us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I do have a ton of questions and I still have days filled
with hurt and tears.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However, I have a
lot to remember and a lot to be thankful for</span> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16097143820234888686noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8537863231191910183.post-3123641809245170822014-05-06T18:47:00.001-04:002014-05-06T18:47:21.675-04:00Mother's Day
<br />
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">My dear sweet boy, <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">
</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">In my head you are still almost 4, however, I realized
lately that you will almost be 7 years old this year.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can’t believe it. It is almost Mother’s
day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is almost to the anniversary of
your death, the date that you were blessed to go see Jesus and be in the
presence of God.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is almost to another
birthday, to your 7<sup><span style="font-size: x-small;">th</span></sup> one.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To
almost everyone else these are just ordinary dates, ordinary boring days.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To me, thou it is a reminder that I had
something that I was extremely blessed with taken from me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know where you are so I don’t consider
myself to have lost you although lately I can’t help but wonder what did I lose?
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So another Mother’s day with you in Heaven,
another day with you with my mom and surrounded by the loving caring amazing
God in Heaven.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">
</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">I wonder if you are celebrating in heaven with my mom…. Are there
cupcakes and skittles at every meal? Have you managed to put stickers all over
heaven? <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Do you still have the most
amazing smiles? Do you give the most amazing hugs? Are you with my mom? Can you
see your brother? Can you hear all the conversations and do you take sides? <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Are you sitting by Jesus asking Him to give us
5 more mins? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">
</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">I wonder what you would be doing if you were still in my
arms.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you would have made it through
with kindergarten with friends? Would you know your letters? Your numbers? Would
you still have oxygen or TPN? Would you be wheelchair bound or would you be
running marathons? Would your heart be filled with the love of those new
friends that we have?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">
</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">I miss you so much but I also miss my mom… I pray today,
this week, this day that you are loving on my mom in a way that she imagined as
I was going up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I pray that you can
throw your arms around her and stay in her lap.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I pray that she is able to pull you close.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I pray that you are able to have moments like
I did growing up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mom Moments that when
we are young we don’t realize that they mean so much it is only when it is gone
that we realize that we not only loved it but we NEED it. I miss my mom, her
hugs, her love, her laughter, her care.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>No One cares like your mom.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">
</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">This year Mother’s day is hard for me, not all because I am
missing my son, part of the reason why I am a mom but because I am missing my
mom, the reason I am here. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am blessed
to have Aden, the other reason why I am a mom.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I am blessed to have an amazing Mother in Law, I am blessed to have
other Woman in my life that matter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am
blessed to have a husband that loves on me and friends that love on me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Tears come hard and fast without reason this
year.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is I long to be in my mother’s
arms, feeling her love being the only one that matters at that second.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;"> </span></o:p></div>
<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">
</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">I love you mom! I love you Zach! I pray yall have skittles, a
cupcake, enjoy some football and sticker some for me!!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16097143820234888686noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8537863231191910183.post-68084440440112753522014-05-02T12:53:00.003-04:002014-05-02T12:58:58.776-04:00Remembering Zachary<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">Remembering Zachary and Why we do it!!! </span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace; font-size: large;"></span> </div>
<div>
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">I was blessed to at one point be part of the Scottish Rite (CHOA) family in Georgia, I was blessed at one point to be part of the medical world. I was blessed by having a wonderful and amazing Family. My son Zachary was the reason why I was blessed to be in the medical world. Zachary had Mitochondrial disease but mitochondrial disease did NOT have him. Mitochondrial disease effects the mitochondria of the cells. Every cell of your body no matter who you are have a mitochondria, however, those that have mito have issues with energy production which is what the mitochondria do. This means every part of the body can be impacted. Mito looks different in every person that has it and while Zachary was blessed to not have seizures and to be able to walk at times... There is NO treatment and NO cure, which research is hopeful that one day there may be a treatment for Zachary there was no treatment and no cure. There were times that his body had to decide if it should breath or hold his head up, if it should breath or walk. His body was tired a lot and so we spent time in the TICU and PICU a lot due to mito crashes but also to infections because his body couldn't make enough energy to fight them off. He had trouble gaining weight and had difficultly growing; at the time of Zach's death he weighed less than most 1 year olds do. Zachary had lots of tubes and medical equipment throughout his whole life. During his time at the hospital the hospital staff loved on Zach and often my face of HOPE. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace; font-size: large;"> </span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">June 14, 2011 after being home less than a week Zachary was blessed to go to heaven and we were left wondering what to do. We had been given lots of the things that Zachary loved to do but yet he never got to touch it. On June 15, 2011 we made our way hurt and devastated to see Zach's Favorite Child Life person Lauren with a box of things we wanted to pass on... Barney movies (which was his favorite), Stickers (which was his favorite), coloring books, playdough and a slew of other things. They were shocked to see us already and truthfully it was hard but we wanted to make a difference. To pass on the things that were given to Zachary but he never got to enjoy. To share Zach's legacy</span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace; font-size: large;"> </span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">It started with one box of items and that box was to share the love that our son was and to hopefully spread hope. In my heart, I prayed that it would be a smile and that smile would in return be the glimmer of hope that I so needed when I was isolated in the hospital. Each year I pray that we can collect more than that one box of items in order to pass it on to those that are still living the life that often can be hard and isolating. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace; font-size: large;"> </span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">We are starting this process now... we hope to have more than the past couple years. There are a number of things on the list and I am letting people know early so we can try to collect as many as possible. Some of the items are going to seem a tad odd and some are going to seem like a given. To those that have followed us on facebook (</span><a href="https://www.facebook.com/RememberingZachary"><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">https://www.facebook.com/RememberingZachary</span></a><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">) in the past thank you!!!! If you are new to this journey please go and like us and help us share the Remembering Zachary. Help us touch as Many people as we possibly can. Following is a list of ideas or items that have been asked for that can help. Please know that anything helps and even if you can only do one item that is still one child that can be touched.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace; font-size: large;"></span> </div>
<div>
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">Items Needed: </span></div>
<ul>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">Items for parent bags</span></li>
<ul><ul>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">Wrapped Protein snacks</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">Wrapped Sweet snacks </span></li>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">drink mixes</span></li>
</ul>
</ul>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">Items for Staff Appreciation</span></li>
<ul><ul>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">Wrapped Snacks of all kinds</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">Wrapped Chocolate and other candy</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">Drink mixes </span></li>
</ul>
</ul>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">Stickers</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">One piece Infant toys </span></li>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">Plastic Crib Mobiles (5-10, they must be able to be wiped down and sanitized) </span></li>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">Playdough and playdough toys</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">DVDs for all ages </span></li>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">Games for all ages </span></li>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">Puzzles for all ages </span></li>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">Journals</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">Barbies</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">Hotwheels</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">Legos</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">Tattoos</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">Coloring Books</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">New Books </span></li>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">Anything Crayola</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">iTunes gift cards </span></li>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">musical instruments (like egg shakers, small drums, small tambourines) </span></li>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">homemade pillowcases or new pillowcases</span></li>
</ul>
<div>
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace; font-size: large;"></span> </div>
<div>
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace; font-size: large;"> </span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">Please contact me if you have questions or if need to meet up with me. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">I will also be happy to give you my address to ship items and if you would like to send a gift card or a check I will be more than happy to go shopping for you. You can do site to store as well and I will be happy to pick up just please tell me what location you sent to. Under each the closest will be listed 1st.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace; font-size: large;"></span> </div>
<div>
<span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">Site to Store Ideas:</span></div>
<ul>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">Walmart- Lovejoy </span></li>
<ul><ul>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">Walmart- Hudson Bridge</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">Walmart- Fayetteville</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">Walmart- Griffin</span></li>
</ul>
</ul>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">Target- Fayetteville </span></li>
<ul><ul>
<li><span style="color: #783f04; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">Target- Jonesboro Road/McDonough</span></li>
</ul>
</ul>
</ul>
Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16097143820234888686noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8537863231191910183.post-6592234461958039132014-04-17T23:44:00.001-04:002014-04-17T23:44:08.959-04:00Communication<br />
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<br />
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<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<h2 style="background: white; margin: 0.83em 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: small;">Communication:</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 13.5pt;"> Imparting or
interchanging thoughts, opinion, or information by speech, writing or
signs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sharing news, views, or
information between people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></h2>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I came across this picture today and it made me think, it
made me remember.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> The picture said... Just because your child isn't communicating verbally doesn't mean that they are not communicating. </span>I had a son that was
considered to be nonverbal but if you knew Zach you knew that he communicating loud and clear to everyone that was near him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He smiled, laughed, giggled, he had a twinkle in his eye.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have known others that can’t verbally say a
word but are dearly enjoyed by their family members and friends. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span></o:p><br />
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">This picture simply reminded me… Body language means a ton!
A simple smile, giving your time, reminding someone that they are worth
it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There are many diseases, syndromes,
disorders that can cause a person to be nonverbal.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is where my thoughts are going to change
a little so please follow me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Do you know who is writing this blog?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some readers have known me as long as I have
been alive and they know all of the things that I have shared.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some are new and have only known me for a
little while.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some know me through the
social word and technology.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Here is a
little about me… <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 2;"> </span>I
was born Sept 28<sup><span style="font-size: x-small;">th</span></sup> and I am an only child<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 2;"> </span>I
love teal, pink and brown <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 2;"> </span>I
love love love Sparkly things, glitter…YESSSSS!!!!!!!!! I love Glitter<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 2;"> </span>I
am married and I have been blessed not only with an amazing man but with an
amazing family. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I have always been one that other have come to for help, to
talk to, to run ideas by me and to ask for prayer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have never been a judger and have often
wrapped my arms around people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But, I
have trouble talking about certain things.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>In 2007, Zach was born and I was ecstatic.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It wasn’t till we were in the hospital a lot
that I noticed… People didn’t have the words to talk to me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I stopped getting phone calls, emails, cards,
visits.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then I started to try to talk to
people about what Zach was going through.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I heard I don’t have the words to say, I don’t know what to say… Truth
is none of us do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Zach got sicker and
people went further away.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It wasn’t till
Zachary came home on hospice care that I realized how badly certain things were
for me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I no longer heard verbal
communication.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>People weren’t near us,
they were choosing to stay away.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<a href="https://www.blogger.com/" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Communication was being done…Body language, time, resources
were painting a picture that I still have in my head some days.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It brought back insecurities that I had.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Fears about talking, speaking, sharing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Fears on being transparent.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am still working on getting my verbal
communication back but I look at this picture and I think.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have a family, I have several friends that
Communicate with me without using words.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>They are allowing me to a few words at a time, build myself back to a
person who rejoices to use ALL communication.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">What would I like you to know? Please use all of you to communicate.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Speak to your Children and to others.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even more so remember that every person is
worth being listened to no matter if it is a verbal communication or not. Remember
we are ALL worth it!!! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16097143820234888686noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8537863231191910183.post-44932427880332464702013-09-12T18:48:00.002-04:002013-09-12T18:49:40.947-04:00What I didn't know<br />
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<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">It
has been a long time since I have been able to sit down and write… my life is
far busier now than it was at the beginning of August.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Teaching 22 students can do this to you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I love it and I am thankful everyday that God
has blessed me to be able to do this now. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am also in a place where I have to question
God’s plan… not God! I know that God loves me and is there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t doubt that the promises that I know
are true.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However, I question the plan,
why are things happening? What am I supposed to learn? Who am I supposed to
help? When will it ever end? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">In
2001, my mother died of Glioblastoma </span><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">multiforme</span><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-ansi-language: EN;"> or <span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">GBM</span>(
Read here for some more information) </span><span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12pt;"><a href="http://www.abta.org/understanding-brain-tumors/types-of-tumors/glioblastoma.html">www.abta.org/understanding-brain-tumors/types-of-tumors/glioblastoma.html</a>)
When we received her diagnoses it was a whirlwind of emotions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Past events that we couldn’t explain what
happened all of a sudden had a reason, my mother had a grapefruit sized tumor
in her brain.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We had no real warnings
though, nothing that could be considered abnormal.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She had been tired but hey, you work 10 hour
days at the hospital on your feet and you are tired too.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She had one seizure but it was contributed to
her diabetes and a low blood sugar at the time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We found out when my mother had emergency gallbladder surgery.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They put her to sleep and when it was time
for her to wake up she woke up but she wasn’t the same person, she couldn’t
stay awake and had trouble doing things that we knew she could do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After a scan the tumor was found.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She was given 3 months to live!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My mother was a fighter and she fought for
herself but she also fought for me, she wanted to see me graduate from college
and get married to my boyfriend (which she adored).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She fought… chemo wafers (which were
experimental at the time), surgeries, chemo and radiation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She managed to fight and see me graduate and
lived 364 days after her diagnoses.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">I
remember the pain after her diagnoses; we had no warning no clue and had to
live daily knowing that she was not going to make it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I remember the pain after she died, calling
people and telling them, randomly seeing people out and having to give them the
news.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I remember people thinking that it
was over and no longer coming around to support.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I remember hurting wishing that she was right
there with me to face my life! I remember wishing that she was there to tell
that I was engaged and to be there at my wedding. What I didn’t know then was
it wouldn’t be the last time that I felt the pain.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">See
my family wasn’t new to brain tumors, however, the tumors that my grandmother
had were different.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She had meningiomas (read
here for more information <a href="http://www.abta.org/understanding-brain-tumors/types-of-tumors/meningioma.html">www.abta.org/understanding-brain-tumors/types-of-tumors/meningioma.html</a>),
she had them my whole life and she fought.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>She fought for her children and she fought for her grandchildren.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She fought and lost her vision, her smell,
and her taste.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She fought to make it to
my college graduation, my wedding and although she didn’t remember it she held
my first born child.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She fought even
when one of her daughters (my mother) was diagnosed with brain cancer.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">I
remember the pain I felt after realizing that her time was drawing close that
she would soon go join my mother in heaven and that I would no longer have her
here.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I remember the pain of not knowing
what to say and the pain of realizing that I would never go back to her
house.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For her funeral I packed up my
infant son and stayed in her house with him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I remember that pain. What I didn’t know then was that it wouldn’t be
the last time I felt that pain. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Several
years passed and I had an amazing son and then God blessed us with another
son.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was shortly after his birth that
we met most of the people reading this blog when our son was diagnosed with
medical conditions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He fought hard; he
fought because as a child laughing, playing and living is what you know.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He smiled because he knew no difference and
smiled to help us in our journey.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We
(Adam, myself, and our families) fought to give him the best quality of
life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We fought to get him all the
experiences that he wanted and all the ones that we felt like he needed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We fought for school, we fought for the
school bus, we fought for church, and we fought for the things that he needed
to have the best quality of life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We had
many people come beside us and walk with us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Then at almost 2 years old we got the final life defining diagnoses, our
son had Mitochondrial (mito) disease (read here for more information <a href="http://www.mitochondrialdiseases.org/mitochondrial-disease/">www.mitochondrialdiseases.org/mitochondrial-disease/</a>).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He fought with pumps, vents, medications,
hospital stays, oxygen, and everything else but he fought the best fight that
he could have fought but he lost his life roughly two weeks shy of his 4<sup>th</sup>
birthday<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">I
remember the pain of having to make decisions that no parent should have to or
wants to make.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I remember the pain of
having people tell us that we were doing things wrong.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I remember the pain of having to call and
tell people that we were back in the hospital.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I remember the pain of having my older son not invited to birthday
parties or play dates because of his brother.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I remember the pain of having to prove that it was time to go home and
to stop fighting.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I remember the pain of
having an almost 4 year old tell me that he was done fighting, wanted to go
home, and that he would meet Jesus soon.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I remember the pain of relationships changing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What I didn’t know was that it wouldn’t be
the last time I felt that pain. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Zachary
died June 14, 2011… since then life has changed a lot! A new best friend, new
friends, a new job, a new life!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The pain
would creep up in my daily life and I would have to remind myself that my
mother, grandmother and my son would always be in my heart and that I would
never forget them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I promised myself
that I would strive to make sure that no person would ever feel alone or
isolated when they are going through an event that touches them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have been to a number of funerals where I
knew I didn’t have the words but that the act of being there was all that I was
supposed to do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have been to doctor’s
appointments where I knew that I couldn’t help but was there to hold a
hand.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have been on the other end of a
facebook chat, at all hours of the day and night, where I know I am just there
to let them talk.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No one should ever
have to feel alone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have been in
situations where all I know is that I am here to listen and to allow the person
to vent.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To let them know that I can’t
judge their emotions or their actions but that I will love them no matter.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">I
have come face to face with this again lately… in my family and in my circle of
friends.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It reminds me of all the pain
and all of the emotions that come along with having someone you love be
sick.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The lost feeling, the hurt, the
anger, the not knowing what to do or where to turn when it feels like the walls
are crashing down.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then I remember I am
not alone! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Why
am I writing this? As I type this I know of one family member fighting two
different types of brain tumors and her family that is standing beside her;
fighting with her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know of one spouse
who is helping her husband fight an illness that at any day could become terminal.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know multiple families that are fighting
mito.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know multiple families with children
that are struggling to find something the child can eat.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just to name a few! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: "Book Antiqua","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">I
didn’t know through each of my personal situations that it wouldn’t be last
time I felt the way I did.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I didn’t know
that I would feel the emotions again, however, God’s plan say otherwise, I
would certainly feel the pain again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So
I am learning even still that you love those that are in your life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Love your spouses, significant others,
parents, children, aunts, uncles, grandparents, best friends, friends.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You love, give your best to them because you
never know if you are helping them fight! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16097143820234888686noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8537863231191910183.post-73917421870236582492013-08-15T16:55:00.001-04:002013-08-15T16:55:30.115-04:00just a little note!
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 16pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">So I keep
getting asked where my blog has been… why there hasn’t been an update or why I
haven’t written lately… well the honest truth is that life has been
unpredictable and busy. So here is a mini update for those that are curious and
that are wondering. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 16pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">It is SCHOOL
time here in my area.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Aden has started a
new school and it is far more amazing for him than we could ever have imagined,
they are still assessing and doing lots of overview but he loves it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His teacher is an amazing woman who retired
from the public school system and honestly is an amazing well seasoned
teacher.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Exactly what I have been
praying for him, a teacher that will be sweet and loving but that will push him
and kick his hiney into high gear if needed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>This he has and he respects her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I am overwhelmed by all of the things that kinda just fell into place
with this school and the emotions that we have with it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We are very excited to be starting this
school year and yes I know it is only 4 days into school but Aden is still
waking up every morning eager to go to school.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>This was the 1<sup>st</sup> year since he started preschool that I didn’t
get to be part of the 1<sup>st</sup> day of school drop off, well to be honest,
I don’t get to drop him off this year 99% of the time, this is very different
for me but I am excited that his daddy gets this time and that my son is seeing
that Daddy’s do more than just work.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It
has been amazing to see them in the morning talking and getting breakfast.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 16pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">My big news
that I accepted a job well let me rephrase that... I got a job, then after a
day of being there I got warned that I might get a different job and then I got
a different job.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am now teacher Ga
Pre-K and I love it… now it is harder than I imagined for me, I have a ton of
things that I am learning and honestly I am still very much confused.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am trying to get it to a routine that makes
sense to me… but I have 22 new loves of my life that love to get tickle hugs
and tell me all the things that they do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I went through a lot to get this job, since my B.S. is not in education;
I had to go through the state to get approved.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I found out that yes I was approved to be a lead teacher and I was able
to keep the class.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 16pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">So life is a
changing as I like to say.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We are
getting used to things… we have a new school, a new job and 2 new routines so
if you count our family together as a whole we have 3 schools, 3 routines and 2
jobs! <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16097143820234888686noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8537863231191910183.post-9610090392289505602013-07-09T15:42:00.002-04:002013-07-09T15:42:51.908-04:00warning just a little soapbox
<br />
<div align="left" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I have been trying to
figure out what to write for this but I can’t seem to get my thoughts to stop
swirling and zooming around in my head long enough for my fingers to even begin
to know what to type.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It has been almost
a month since we went to the hospital and celebrated Zach’s death.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I hesitate to even type it that way because we
didn’t celebrate that Zach died we just shared with others to remind them that
they weren’t alone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We shared part of
Zachary’s legacy with the hospital reminding people that they are not alone in
the battle that they are facing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For
Zach’s birthday I attempted to make cupcakes… now please don’t miss hear me, I
can make cute cupcakes and I even make my icing from scratch but nothing I did
this year turned out right for them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
made them as a little reminder to me (not for the people that ate them) but for
me to remember all the laughter that Zach had, even though he couldn’t eat, he
loved to make cupcakes and consistently did it. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is something hard to deal with; we have
Zachary’s death date, Fathers day and then his Birthday all in a two week period.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<br />
<div align="left" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Why do I choose to
celebrate his birthday and his death date? I have been asked this followed up
by the statements that seem to be so judging and hateful even if I know that
they were NOT meant to be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They were
just reminders that the world that I walk in is not one that people
understand.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was asked why celebrate
his birthday? He is dead! Why celebrate when he died you know that he is okay
and is with God? Why cry? Why Hurt? Because after all you should be happy that
he is with God and that he is stronger, healed and perfect.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Why do that and make everyone else around you
remember Zachary? After all you lost him, he is dead. You shouldn’t cry because
you have Aden and a family that loves you.</span></div>
<br />
<div align="left" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">So here I sit I am
putting my soap box on the floor and I am standing on it and screaming into the
microphone… Please listen!</span></div>
<br />
<div align="left" class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-align: left; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Zachary was my son and no matter where he is I
will love him and miss him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As a mother
we love our children and miss them when they are not close, you can know that
your child is out with friends having the time of their lives but you cannot
sit there and pretend that you don’t miss them or want to be with them or even
that you secretly wish that you could be a fly and watch them smile, laugh and
have a good time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You cannot tell me
that as a mother you don’t love it when your child calls home, or even better
yet comes home.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You long to catch up and
see how things are going.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yes, I know
that he is in Heaven, I know how much of a blessing it is but I also know that
since he is there he isn’t here with me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>While I am glad that he is healed and no longer subject to all that was
here on earth, I also hurt. </span></div>
<br />
<div align="left" class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-align: left; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Zachary’s death is something that we use to
share the legacy that he left.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Zach
taught many of us me how to be strong even when we don’t know how to be. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He taught me how to love. He taught me how to
not judge and he taught me how to fight.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I know that he didn’t teach me all that he could have but I tell you
this Many people dream of their Heroes I got to hold mine in my arms. </span></div>
<br />
<div align="left" class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-align: left; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Why celebrate his birthday? To this all I can
say is just because someone dies doesn’t mean that he or she never existed, if
that was true then we wouldn’t celebrate our grandparents, heck we wouldn’t get
national holidays off (think Washington’s birthday etc).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My Mom was very much part of this world and
while she is in Heaven she had a day she was born unto this earth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Zachary does to, while a child and not living
as long as others, he was in fact still born.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Think about that next time you tell someone not to get upset on a dead loved
ones birthday </span></div>
<br />
<div align="left" class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-align: left; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: Calibri;">LOST? I didn’t lose him, I wasn’t shopping at
the mall and turned and he was gone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
didn’t lay him down and can’t remember where.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I didn’t drop him out of my pocket.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Zachary is in Heaven, I know this, I know that he is blessed to be with God.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Please know while he isn’t in my daily life
here, I am still very well aware of the fact that I didn’t lose him <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<br />
<div align="left" class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-align: left; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Please know that I am honored to have Adam and
Aden and it is only because of them that I am alive.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I went to work every day last school year,
even on the days that I rather not have.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I made sure Aden had clean clothes and lunch every day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I tried to keep up with clothes and dishes
and I tried to be a good friend.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To tell
me that I need to not be upset or cry because I have them is crazy, I wake up
every morning even if it is only have an hour sleep and I live that day for
them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Before you judge missing someone
or being upset walk through it…loose a child, a spouse or a parent that you are
close to.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<br />
<div align="left" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">So now that I said this I
would like to say this… please know that it is okay if you talk about
Zachary.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It okay if you ask questions
about him or even about me and how things are different. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is okay to share good information with me
like being pregnant or having a birthday. It is okay to cry because something
hurts you and you don’t always have to be strong just because you think my
heart needs it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Recently I was part of a
conversation talking about the health of one that I love.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was told, I try to hold it together with
you, and I shouldn’t let you see me or hear me like this as tears streamed down
their face… you have been through too much.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I reached over held them and let them know their tears are not in vain,
they in fact made me understand that I am not alone, that I am normal.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That while I don’t know the words to say to
make things better, while I know that I can’t change that situation and while I
don’t know what it feels like; The hurt, tears, and emotions well I have them
of my own.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<br />
<div align="left" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I am sorry to get on the
soap box and to even sound a tad bitter, I am not bitter but I know that it
still very much hurts.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Each day it is
getting a tad easier and while I often don’t have the words to express why I am
sad or why I am upset, those days are becoming less frequent.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am blessed to have good family and good
friends around me that hug me and love on me when I need to.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Grief is like a wave it comes in and out on
its own time schedule and sometimes the waves are high and hard and will knock
you under and sometimes they are gentle and little to just make you
shiver.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Each and every milestone Aden
goes through is one that Zach will never go through and so that is something
that we have to grieve.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Each holiday is
one that we don’t get to celebrate and be with him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It doesn’t ever just go away. My family and other families like mine need to be able to grieve without having family and friends, those that should love and support us the most making comments and judging us</span></div>
Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16097143820234888686noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8537863231191910183.post-1592160214012939222013-07-02T02:51:00.000-04:002013-07-02T02:51:45.008-04:00Happy Happy Birthday My little Man! <br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">A number of years ago I was getting done with Church and I
was delighted to be pregnant and having a good time, considering the
complications that I had during that time being at church, dancing with Aden and
hearing what God was doing with our youth was amazing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We left church and went to have Mexican, one
of my major yummy foods that I loved while pregnant, all I remember is having
salsa and chips and being asked by the waiter if I wanted a straw for the salsa
because I was basically drinking it.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It was month end for my husband, who at the time was an
accountant for a national restaurant chain, and I knew that week was his week
that he had to be at work.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We joked
about it and said if I could keep out of the hospital till the 4<sup><span style="font-size: x-small;">th</span></sup>
that we could have fireworks and be okay with delivering our second child.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Aden went to bed and Adam went to bed and I
stayed up watching TV, I couldn’t get comfortable, midnight hit and I still
couldn’t get comfortable, I tell myself that if I was still hurting at 2am that
I would wake Adam up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I got in the tub
and sat there trying to think of what we could do for the 4<sup><span style="font-size: x-small;">th</span></sup> that
would be inside because the heat was unbearable, thinking that one of my
friends had her daughter on the 4<sup><span style="font-size: x-small;">th</span></sup>, thinking that I have two close
friends whose birthdays are the 6<sup><span style="font-size: x-small;">th</span></sup> and 9<sup><span style="font-size: x-small;">th</span></sup>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wasn’t comfortable but when 2am rolled
around, I told myself that IF I could wake up Adam by simply saying his name
that I would go to the hospital.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
whispered “Adam” and he woke up instantly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I told him that we needed to go to the hospital and that we needed to
call the doctor.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It wasn’t a debate, I
fought having to call every time I hated being high risk and having
complications I hated calling but that night I knew we needed to go and to
call.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They did tell us to go and we
went. </span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">We got there and the nurse was the one that did the last
couple of my visits and decided because they checked me for the UTI or
dehydration that she would check me to make sure that I wasn’t in labor.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When she checked she found out that I was 9cm
dilated and that she could feel the baby’s head.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The midwife was called, Adam’s mom was called
and I went down to a room.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For not sleeping
in over 24 hours, I had no idea that I was in labor or why I didn’t know.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Adam’s mom went to get batteries; she was
gone less than 15 mins.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In those 15 mins
the midwife sat down on the bed with me and I had my son Zachary Eli Moody born
July 2, 2007</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I didn’t know that day that my life would be changed so much,
it would be a day that I think of often… what if I had known I was in labor?
Would he have made it? We found out at his delivery that his cord was wrapped around
his neck twice and then knotted.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If I
had known and gone in to the hospital earlier they would have stopped my labor
and then there is a huge chance Zachary would have never made it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Zachary should be turning 6 years old this year.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wonder what he would be into, how tall he
would be, how much he would weigh, if he would still have his favorite color be
brown, if he would be talking.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know
that I would still get lost in his smile! <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I sit here and I wonder if they throw birthday
parties in Heaven or if every day is such an amazing experience that it is no
longer needed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wonder if Zachary is in
charge of cupcakes and if he is watching butterflies.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wonder if he is being hugged by my mother
and if she is able to tell him how much I love him or if Zachary is able to
tell my mom how much I love her and missed her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I wonder what would we have gotten him for his birthday and would he
have been able to eat?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I will choose today to remember that I have two boys.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Cupcakes, butterflies, and Smiles all mean more now because
of you Zachary, I miss you more than I the air I breathe and more than people
understand.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Your daddy misses Daddy Time
(I miss listening to yall giggle and talk) and holding you in his arms.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Your brother misses sharing a room with you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Your MaMaw misses you being in her arms.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Your Papaw missing being able to walk with
you. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We all miss you, I miss sharing you
with the world, miss letting you mean those in my life that mean so much to
us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<br />
<h2 class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: center;">
Happy Birthday my sweet little man</h2>
<h2 style="text-align: center;">
</h2>
<h2 class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: center;">
Zachary Eli Moody </h2>
<h2 style="text-align: center;">
</h2>
<h2 class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: center;">
July 2, 2007- June 14, 2011 </h2>
Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16097143820234888686noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8537863231191910183.post-32253625748160890272013-06-14T11:05:00.000-04:002013-06-14T13:38:28.689-04:00WellWell today is the 14th, I went to bed late last night and am up early this morning. In the past year two years life has changed. While we are still a family of 4, only three of us come in and out of our doors. Aden has gotten big enough to have his friends come in and out. Our house is full all sorts of noises and laughter. We have new friends. We are stricken with bouts of sadness, missing and not understanding at times. <br />
<br />
In having new friends I am sometimes reminded on how amazing zach was... People seemed to be scared of him, he never really had a friend other than his brother. we have worked hard to explain to others and to support them in all situations. One days like today I am quickly reminded that zach went through his medical situation to help us understand how help and love on others.<br />
<br />
This is going to be short, I just don't have it in me today to type a long flowing message... but I do want to remind you to love the ones that you are with and the ones that mean something with you. It isn't about what the world sees but what they feel. Know that at the end of the day when all the lights are out and the world is quiet that in that moment you realize what is important. It isn't the money or the items but the relationships, the things that you do and the fun you have. LOVE those around you even when the world thinks its weird, you never know what a smile, hug or kind word does. <br />
<br />
I am signing off not paying much attention to facebook today... Thank you on behalf of the Moody family for remembering Zachary and the amazing boy he was! <br />
<br />
<br />Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16097143820234888686noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8537863231191910183.post-59565913927777775972013-06-13T00:11:00.000-04:002013-06-13T00:11:20.669-04:00Dear Zachary ...To my baby boy,<br />
I know that you are in a better place, I know you are with my mom and that you are able to do so much that you couldn't do here on earth. I'm sure you are surrounded by so many that you enjoy. I know you have no tubes... No feeding tubes, no oxygen, no pumps, no medications, no hospital visits, no medical tests, no blood transfusions. I am sure that you are in charge of cupcakes in heaven, I bet it is one big party everyday, celebrating all the things that we take for granted. I wonder if there are butterflies and how many you have land on you hand.<br />
<br />
We miss you every day... You brother has become a funny amazing young man. He thinks of you often and wonders why his friends don't get to met his awesome brother. I pray that you are looking down at him protecting him and his friends. He often wonders if you are stickering in heaven. I like to think that you are. Your daddy misses you, working hard everyday with a new company and is almost finished with his masters. He passed his CPA testing, his dream of having this is almost done, while it was started for you, he is finishing it for him. He often thinks of "daddy time" you know tht he does daddy time with Aden now. Both of them look forward to it every night. You taught us a lot. Your mamaw, papaw, and uncle think of you a lot and often think about you and all you went through. <br />
<br />
Then there is me, your mom. I love you Zachary and I am a much better person now than I ever was. You taught me how to love and how to care. You showed me what being strong was, I often wish I could have a ounce of you. An ounce of your strength, your smile, your love... An ounce of your ability to make a difference. I learned that I'm not called to walk alone but that I am passionate about making sure others don't feel alone. <br />
<br />
We are collecting items to take to the hospital that you were often in. The hospital that you called your second home. I can look out while I am typing and I can see a living room of items... Water, foods, crayons, coloring books, games, toys, etc. we are striving to share your love.<br />
<br />
I sit here trying to sleep, I miss you, I miss you lots, I pray that I never forget you and that you are remembered<br />
<br />
All my love to you,<br />
Mom<br />
<br />
<br />Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16097143820234888686noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8537863231191910183.post-91908336022067177492013-06-12T08:32:00.001-04:002013-06-12T08:32:34.158-04:00Thankful..This morning I was woken up by a text of a good friend. It was unexpected and wonderful...it wasn't anything big but more of a reminder that I was supposed to be in their life. It was a reminder that I have lots of things to be thankful for.<br />
<br />
- I am thankful for each new day, that the mistakes that I made even if I can't change them that I can start each day knowin I get another chance<br />
- I'm thankful for my husband who is willing to go to work each day and do the things needed for us to have a wonderful life<br />
- I'm thankful that I have Aden... He brings joy into my life and entertainment. He knows how to make me laugh even if it is by busting a move<br />
- I am thankful for extended family. They have always been willing to do everything and anything we have asked for<br />
- I am thankful for friends that are like family that will do all the things that you want to do but all the things that you don't want to do. They are willing to push you to be the best person that you can be.<br />
- I am thankful for my pastor who can make me laugh and remind me even in dark situations that God is there and that there is joy in the morning. <br />
- I am thankful for church friends who have been a great sense of support<br />
<br />
Now I had all those no matter the situations...through zach's life and now.<br />
Going through Zach's life and death I have learned more<br />
- I have learned that stickers make me happy<br />
- I have learned that glitter makes me happy, oh do I like glitter<br />
- I have learned that sometimes things matter that no one understands, I love butterflies! For several reasons but one of the is the hope tht they represent <br />
- I have learned friendships are sparked by the oddest things and that you can have people around you that get it<br />
- I have learned that I am stronger than I think<br />
<br />
Today I will see the joy, I will try to walk tall even if it means using the sleeves of my family and friends to wipe the tears. Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16097143820234888686noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8537863231191910183.post-73144128747839360752013-06-10T21:36:00.001-04:002013-06-10T21:50:11.518-04:004 days...I went from 8 days to 4 days... I have opened the page to type on the iPad and closed it again. I have opened it on the desktop and closed it again. I have drafts saved just in case I thought that I could get back to it. I opened the iPad again and here I am, typing othe iPad means my typing is sketchy.<br />
<br />
I have had a great week filled with friends and family. No one really speaking of the 14th but it sometimes feels like an elephant in the room, not just a little baby gray one but a huge purple, lime green and hot pink one with orange polka dots. People not wanting to say anything but just supporting and people acting like things never happend. I was great happy and wonderful, then realized that I am sitting in my living room. Sitting here wondering what my little Boy would look like, if he would have new words, if he would still love cupcakes and stickers so much. I realized that my emotions are for the world to see, try to give advice and to deal with. They are by far my emotions that no one can change. <br />
<br />
Tonight I'm a tad jaded I guess, I see commercials and shows about cancer and it makes me want to scream, cancer isn't the only thing that kills. How about the diseases that do not have a treatment or a cure? What about the ones that take lives long before they should be old enough to worry about things? How about diseases that a common cold can make them so sick that they die? How about those that can't eat food because their bodies think that it is something that is attacking them? How about the diseases that your bodies have decide if it can breathe or hold your head up?<br />
<br />
Now please forgive me cancer is important.. I have friends fighting breast cancer and my mom lost her battle to brain cancer. I know that cancer sucks and destroys. I just think if thre is no treatment and no cure why does no one know about mitochondrial disease? Why isn't anyone trying to find a treatment? Yes a cure would be great but a treatment to know that you are trying to treat it would be nice. Why did we fight so hard and yet zach lost his battle with mito. Zach had mito but mito didn't have him... I remind myself of this a lot. <br />
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See I'm now almost two years past his death, 4 days in fact, the rest of the world is moving and carrying on. I would say most have forgotten. I have plenty that don't even know that I have two children, much less who zach is. I still remember bringing zach home, having a party, having love ones hold him, having special people drop by and love on him. I remember the influx of people that we had and for a short period of time the huge support we had. Then I also remember turning off the machine, making phone calls, picking songs, asking people to carry my son, motorcycle escorts. Trying to figure out what to put at a graveside of a boy, what flowers are right? There are none, it isn't natural to buy flowers for your almost 4year old son. Buying a present for a birthday yes, buying flowers for his grave or making an arrangement no!<br />
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So in 4 days we will take a second a day to remember Zachary. Those that knew him or knew of him will remember what he loved, his smile and the battle he fought. We will walk during that day tall... I carried my hero in my arms. I walked beside him and learned what it means to fight, to give life every bit of love and joy you have. I learned what it meant to touch every person I came in contact with. Truth is there is not a day that I don't. I cant simply put his things away. I can't simply stop thinking of him. I will always be reminded of him and he will always be my son. Truth is in four days the pain, sorrow and thoughts tht most reading this will have are just a fraction of what his daddy, brother, papaw, mamaw, uncle and I face on daily basis.<br />
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<br />Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16097143820234888686noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8537863231191910183.post-47569861759379053812013-06-06T08:41:00.001-04:002013-06-06T08:44:05.773-04:008 days...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRpCUq-hh8DchAtKngn1DhyphenhyphenCI_3WZ2zZm__FmQZLtvtnzN3VewbZ9WJAVCCVe_YaRXkEVSll2Sg8-H4eUhEWaX6rniHd28AUalsdKZK-mCzYYIVAs0Gab_KobTUQDo0PniBaR8u7zLt4ve/s1600/zach+sitting+6-2011.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRpCUq-hh8DchAtKngn1DhyphenhyphenCI_3WZ2zZm__FmQZLtvtnzN3VewbZ9WJAVCCVe_YaRXkEVSll2Sg8-H4eUhEWaX6rniHd28AUalsdKZK-mCzYYIVAs0Gab_KobTUQDo0PniBaR8u7zLt4ve/s320/zach+sitting+6-2011.jpg" width="213" /></a></div>
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<span class="userContent"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">In 2011 after a ton of struggling and praying we had to make
one of the hardest decisions I think that we ever had to make… we went to the
hospital to a meeting that had more people than it did chairs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We talked, teared up and even got mad but at
the end of it we were told that yes we can do what we felt was right.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The next day we walked out of the hospital
with Zach for the last time. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I say
we walked out, Zachary took my hand and walked with me, it was one of the only
times that he ever walked out of the hospital from the TICU to the car, it was
a long walk and it tired him out but I think that he knew and he wanted to see
and talk to people on the way home.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He
did greet lots of people that day, his smile that radiated and his little body
which was so cute, he always had people saying hi.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That day he was hugging and smiling back.</span></span></div>
<span class="userContent">
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The hospital that had become a second home had become hard
for us to be at.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The hospital staff that
had grown to love and care for Zach had tears of hurt and pain that Zachary was
fighting so hard.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They had hoped that we
were wrong that what we were doing would be the wrong answer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In our heart, we knew that we were doing the
best thing for our little boy. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">We called our family and our close friends and told them… we
are coming home and we need to be prepared for this to be the last time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A party was planned by some wonderful ladies
at our church; they came and did it all.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>They made sure the house was clean, they did food, and they invited
people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We wanted a birthday party for
him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Zach deserved that birthday
party.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A friend commissioned another
friend to make a cake to represent and honor Zachary and she did an AMAZING
job. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Family pictures were scheduled so
we would have one last picture of all of us together.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Family came in to spend the day with us and
to be in our home.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKacFJRs8chS5FJry6iDnskVDaoHjs2oAjGeU8LMk2gna44yNc8wxSm09ld_SR2Br3-Eba-7iJ_zffhUgiw7G2PHq_4AemrGTIMr2lVwc_lcRW9njbxDJRc43jrCGPXqAp9b3EV3jVOf1D/s1600/zachs+cake.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKacFJRs8chS5FJry6iDnskVDaoHjs2oAjGeU8LMk2gna44yNc8wxSm09ld_SR2Br3-Eba-7iJ_zffhUgiw7G2PHq_4AemrGTIMr2lVwc_lcRW9njbxDJRc43jrCGPXqAp9b3EV3jVOf1D/s320/zachs+cake.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">We savored our time, I dealt with people not understanding,
I was told by a nurse that I was giving up that as a mom I should continue to
fight that I hadn’t done enough to help my son.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I promptly told her thank you for all you did but you must leave now and
you aren’t welcomed anymore. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We had
fought for Zachary; we had done all we could do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His body was tired, He was tired… He told us “I
no go back”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was done, We wanted to
love on him and laugh with him for however long we had him back at home. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">You know I always have a this is why I am writing thought…
today it is simply this: Please take each day with your family and love on
them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Tell them that you love them, show
them that you love them, and walk with them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Hug, laugh, kiss and be with them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Be a good friend, if you say you are going to be there, then be there,
not just in a text but in whatever they need you to do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> Don't judge what they are doing instead love and support. </span>Try to learn to accept the help of friends,
you may need it more than you can ever realize.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>See I couldn’t have made it through Zachary’s life without people but I
can’t make it through today without people either.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
</span><br />Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16097143820234888686noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8537863231191910183.post-89336697463064579822013-06-02T00:14:00.002-04:002013-06-02T00:37:49.147-04:00June ALREADYSo it we have 20 mins till it is time for the date to change again. It will become June 2nd, it doesn't seem possible that it is June again. As June 14th draws closer I instantly think of all the things that we went through that the rest of the world doesn't know. Most of it because zach being so sick caused them to run the other way.<br />
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Why am I typing about this because I had a converstation with another mom recently... She was confessing some of the dark, horrible, guilty emotions that special needs moms have but even more those that have had a child die feel. When I look back I have had the same converstation with multiple parents both moms and dads, it is something that each one of us bury and hide. We feel like we are the only ones that feel the same way we feel?<br />
<br />
I firmly believe that by being blessed with Zach's life I<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);"> was given a mission.. That mission is that no person ever feels like they are alone. I had people around me but I never felt like I had a network of people that knew the emotional roller coaster that we were on. Because of this I reach out more now than ever trying to make sure that people know I am here to talk, cry or vent. That I can be reached by Facebook, text, email or however they need. </span><br />
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So as June 1st closes and I know most that read this blog don't have a clue of the emotions that my family is facing I would like to spill a little...<br />
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- each person each family that goes through things have different emotions about what we are going through. In a case like ours, we knew zach was sick. We knew that we one day would lose him to his disease. We, however, we were NOT expected for it to be so soon. We didn't expect him to die before his 4th birthday. Many other families live through knowing that one day it would happen but are blindsided when it happens, we live in disbelief that we can't just go to their room and hug our child. Live longing to hear their voice and to hear their laughter<br />
<br />
<br />
-we often have emotions that we are embarassed about surrounding the hours before and after their death. We get physically ill and have to leave the room, we have emotional breakdowns, we can't function properly. We don't eat, sleep, bathe or do anything that the rest of the world feels like we should. One mom got physically and violently ill so she refused to go near her son the night he died. One mom said she told the doctors to stop treatment, to stop CPR. One mom asked her husband to be with her son because she didn't want to lay in bed with him another night. One mom asked God, begged God for it to end, never realizing that for it to end it meant that she would give the biggest sacrifice...his life! We get embarassed and hide our emotions because we are scared of being judged of being the only one that felt that way. Reality is we are not alone, if we are honest, we all have those emotions<br />
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- please remember this is not over for us, just because another year has gone it doesn't mean that we miss him any less. He is still our baby and we are reminded all of the things that we went through. Decisions no one wants to make, friendships that ended, how life changed. Wondering what we would be doing if our child was alive, what would life look like, what would they be into, what would they look like. We are reminded daily that our lives are missing an amazing life<br />
<br />
- please remember that each milestone that you can possibly think about is going to bring tears or thoughts that you can't erase by saying "he is in heaven and is ok". I have spent a while now trying to be okay tht my little baby will never graduate from kindergarten, yes I know he isn't hurting but I am reminded by the world he isnt here. However, I also know that I will have another milestone that will hurt. Last year it was Aden realizing that his new friends didn't believe that he wasn't an only child. How does a 7 year old prove that he has a brother in heaven? Have you ever had to do that?<br />
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It is now June 2nd and I realize while the rest of the world zips by and kept moving, while they are not effected by Zach's death, my household remembers Zachary. My household remembers his love, his amazing attitude. We remember how we felt, how sick he was, we remember how his life started going downhill and when our reality changed forever. We remember him fighting till the end. We will remember how amazing Zachary was, his smile, his life, his stickers and his cupcakes. Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16097143820234888686noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8537863231191910183.post-68861104164876478312013-05-30T20:12:00.001-04:002013-05-30T20:32:46.926-04:00New?..New...instantly when I think of new I think of the overwhelmed feeling that you get when you are not sure exactly what to do. I think of sitting down and learning new things. I think of exposing people to things that they might not know how to accept or handle. I think of changing things.<br />
<br />
When zach was 3months old he got his ng tube and then at 11 months he got his gtube, when we got his tube it came with lots of newness and lots of fears. I worried if I was doing it right, if I would be good enough, if i would understand it. I wondered if he would ever be accepted by others. I wondered if oeople would think thar I messed up. However, time went on and the newness wore off and I learned quickly what Zachary was.... He was an amazing little boy who was full of smiles and love, that everyone seemed to fall in love with. I didn't forget about the pumps, tubes, doctors appointments, medications, and hospitalizations but I realized that he was simply and honestly AMAZING!<br />
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All of this came to mind as I am receiving an insulin pump, my blood sugars have been high and in need of further actions. I have had to fight through medical issues that I never thought that I would have to go through and basically learn a new normal. I have had to think about how to do things with other people near me, if they would still want to be friends with me, if I would be treated the same. I have had to think about what the next steps would be for me,<br />
<br />
While getting my pump ordered I was asked what color I wanted, I knew but I wanted to see what all the had.. The colors where clear, royal purple, pepsi can blue, smoke and pink. Now he said pink first, I knew that was what I wanted. Pink and glitter make me happy and since glitter isn't a choice I knew pink was. When I said pink the man on the phone said "well just go bold". I without thinking said "yes, my som taught me this". I didn't said much more<br />
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It was till later that I thought one of the biggest things that Zach taught me was to be and me wasn't the circumstances. Zach wore his pumps, all 4 of them, as if they were an accessory! He was happy to say something about them or show others that he was just an amazing child. <br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);"><br /></span>
So yes I am going to wear my pump boldly for my son, who at the tender age of 2 started teaching me that the outside doesn't matter. That education, exposure and knowledge helps the rest of the world understand. <span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);"> That emotions can come out of no where but that ultimately those that love you, those that care don't care if you have to inject yourself at the dinner table. You see how many see you for you, you see how many truely love you when life changes. We experienced this through Zach's life and even more in his death. However, I will be bold, I will wear my pump proud for my son!</span>Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16097143820234888686noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8537863231191910183.post-76138148564860835392013-05-25T08:22:00.001-04:002013-05-25T08:22:46.386-04:00Honestly..I can honestly say that I can sit here and say I don't know what to say or type...I can honestly say that a lot that is swirling in my head right now are things that many won't get. When a family has a child that is sick things a done differently, siblings grow up faster, parents adjust to different roles. When that child or any child die people tend to treat them like they have some sort of disease that they can catch, now don't get me wrong they are there for a short season. But if I were honest with you people often are scared of saying the wrong thing or doing the wrong thing. I can say sometimes not saying anything and not doing something hurts far worse that ignoring what is going on. <br />
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I honestly can't believe that I now have a 2nd grader, when did Aden get to be so big? Throughout this year I can see how he has grown, I can see how much he cares for his classmates and for the teachers that he has. While I am sad to be leaving some of the people that I have been part of I know that God shut thre door for a reason. While helping him hang up his calendar in his room yesterday I was encountered by a situation I didn't know that I could handle. On June 14th he had it marked simply with zach. When I asked why he told me it was like another birthday for zach. It was hard to tell himm that it was his death date but Aden simply said but momma it's important. We marked his birthday so he will know and I sat and watched him finish his task at hand.<br />
<br />
I honestly can tell you that it has hit me hard that I should have one graduating from Kindergarten this year, as I see one of his best friends graduate, I am reminded that his life was taken far too early, however, that no matter what God's plan is perfect. I see pictures of the little ones that I love that are graduating and I take a moment and pray for them, what an honor!<br />
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I can honestly say that while I know without insurance things can be much worse but to find out how much my insulin pump is going to cost us out of pocket is hard to deal with. Some how I dealt with all of zachary's things and we had all that we needed for him, I know that God was in it. <br />
<br />
I can honestly say that while working on Remembering Zachary I am being reminded that little things matter. We are collecting items to take to Scottish Rite to donate for the children that are there. Zach often received things while we were there and they often helped us cope with all of the things that were going on. We want to touch others and let others know that they are not alone! We are collecting toys, puzzles, games, Xbox 360 games, movies, babies, playdoh, playing cards, craft supplies, balls, cars, etc. I can shop for you if you can't make it to the store. You can purchase online and have it shipped directly to me. You can purchase it online and have it sent site to store (toysrus, target and Walmart all do that) I will be happy to tell you which locations are local to me. You can send an electronic gift card, I will be happy to share my email address. Even if all you can do is one item, it will touch one child, which in return will be touching one family<br />
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Honestly, things are swirling, fast and crazy but I am glad to be doing the things that I am doingJenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16097143820234888686noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8537863231191910183.post-43152470038191319232013-05-12T19:57:00.001-04:002013-05-12T19:57:05.197-04:00Remembering Zachary
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: FangSong; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma;">As
time quickly goes by and we are reminded of all the things that are coming up….
We are quickly reminded that 23 months ago (almost) my precious son lost his
earthly battle to Mito.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He touched so
many lives are there is never a day that I don’t think about him and wonder
what he would be doing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wonder how it
would be for him in school, would he be graduating from kindergarten this
year.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wonder who his best friend would
be, If he would still like stickers, who his favorite character would be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If he would still love to give hugs as much
as he did.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wonder if his smile would
look the same. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wonder how Aden and him
would interact.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: FangSong; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma;">In
saying this I would like to announce Remembering Zachary.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To Touch and Make their illnesses a tad
easier for the 2<sup><span style="font-size: x-small;">nd</span></sup> anniversary of his passing we want his memory to
live on through donations of the following items to be collected by the Moody
Family donated at Scottish Rite (TICU/PICU) in honor of Zachary. Zachary died
June 14, 2011 after a life long battle with mitochondrial disease.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Zach may have mito but the mito didn’t have
him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We would like to remind others that
they are not alone and while the four walls they are in might seem small there
is a world that cares for them! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: FangSong; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma;">Items
and ideas, please know that you can donate other things as well:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 1em 0px;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: FangSong; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-themecolor: text1;">-hotwheels, cars, trucks, other
vehicles of any size<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 1em 0px;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: FangSong; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-themecolor: text1;">-babies or other dolls<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 1em 0px;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: FangSong; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-themecolor: text1;">-markers all sizes and types<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 1em 0px;">
<span class="textexposedshow2"><span style="color: black; font-family: FangSong; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-hide: none; mso-themecolor: text1;">-paper: copy paper, construction paper of all sizes<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 1em 0px;">
<span class="textexposedshow2"><span style="color: black; font-family: FangSong; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-hide: none; mso-themecolor: text1;">-notebooks<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 1em 0px;">
<span class="textexposedshow2"><span style="color: black; font-family: FangSong; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-hide: none; mso-themecolor: text1;">-new dress up clothes (boys and girls)<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 1em 0px;">
<span class="textexposedshow2"><span style="color: black; font-family: FangSong; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-hide: none; mso-themecolor: text1;">-new brightly colored pillowcases<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 1em 0px;">
<span class="textexposedshow2"><span style="color: black; font-family: FangSong; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-hide: none; mso-themecolor: text1;">-books for all ages<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 1em 0px;">
<span class="textexposedshow2"><span style="color: black; font-family: FangSong; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-hide: none; mso-themecolor: text1;">-DVDs rating pg and under<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 1em 0px;">
<span class="textexposedshow2"><span style="color: black; font-family: FangSong; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-hide: none; mso-themecolor: text1;">-balls<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 1em 0px;">
<span class="textexposedshow2"><span style="color: black; font-family: FangSong; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-hide: none; mso-themecolor: text1;">-games for all ages<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 1em 0px;">
<span class="textexposedshow2"><span style="color: black; font-family: FangSong; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-hide: none; mso-themecolor: text1;">-stickers<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 1em 0px;">
<span class="textexposedshow2"><span style="color: black; font-family: FangSong; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-hide: none; mso-themecolor: text1;">-coloring books <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 1em 0px;">
<span class="textexposedshow2"><span style="color: black; font-family: FangSong; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-hide: none; mso-themecolor: text1;">-puzzles for all ages<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 1em 0px;">
<span class="textexposedshow2"><span style="color: black; font-family: FangSong; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-hide: none; mso-themecolor: text1;">-play dough sets and just dough<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 1em 0px;">
<span class="textexposedshow2"><span style="color: black; font-family: FangSong; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-hide: none; mso-themecolor: text1;">-pens, pencils and other writing instruments<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 1em 0px;">
<span class="textexposedshow2"><span style="color: black; font-family: FangSong; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-hide: none; mso-themecolor: text1;">-store bought prepackaged snacks<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 1em 0px;">
<span class="textexposedshow2"><span style="color: black; font-family: FangSong; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-hide: none; mso-themecolor: text1;">-drink mixes<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 1em 0px;">
<span class="textexposedshow2"><span style="color: black; font-family: FangSong; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-hide: none; mso-themecolor: text1;"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></div>
<span class="textexposedshow2"><span style="color: black; font-family: FangSong; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Tahoma; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-hide: none; mso-themecolor: text1;">We will be more than happy to go shopping for you if
it would be easy to mail money, checks, or gift cards.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There is a store that is near us called (www.fivebelow.com)
It is a place that I will be doing most of the shopping, all of the items are
under 5 bucks but they have a nice assortment of games, beauty items, toys and
other things that would be loved by those at the hospital.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you have this store near you please check
it out and consider buying from there it would be an easy way to take a little
and help a lot.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Please know that if you
can donate one item that would be accepted gladly or if you can donate many
more that is accepted as well, we really just want to touch as many lives as we
possibly can</span></span>Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16097143820234888686noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8537863231191910183.post-89892125109973188132013-04-29T17:57:00.004-04:002013-04-29T17:57:32.540-04:00just a moment
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 22pt;">I wont promise that this blog will make sense, I won't even promise that there is correct splling or grammar, Please bare with me. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 22pt;">Every
day I get up and I wonder what is going to happen… I kiss my husband good
morning, get my son out of bed by turning on his light and tickling him (yes, I
know this isn’t nice but if he isn’t up it is the only way that he will get
up), I then begin to get ready for my day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Many mornings getting ready for my day includes picking up my phone
checking on the weather and then opening my text messages.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sometimes I have one that I need to read but
honestly most of the time I hold my phone in my hands and I start to pray.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I pray for the people that are so important
in my live.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 22pt;">The
now widow, who was willing to come and sit with me when Zach was so sick and
who immediately after Zachary’s passing did something that I will always cherish,
that is still very much new to the title of widow that helps her children and
loves on her grandchild.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The dear friend
who opened up to me and was willing to tell me about the personal things that
she has been through, who has had meals with me and who has cared enough to ask
how I am doing, who has diabetes and who was in a major car accident.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The dear friend who has made me laugh more
than I can tell her, who I miss since it has been a long time since we have
really gotten to do anything, who tried her hardest to do the things that I
needed when I needed them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A friend that
I love dearly and wonder how she is doing at getting her three boys off to
school.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The dear friend who was totally
honest with me and told me her story, every detail that I was willing to listen
to, who listens to me even when I am not able to get things out, a amazing
sweet person who almost never has her husband home and who hates to be alone. A
very sweet friend that has adopted my family and that loves on us, who
currently is having their family grown through a situation that I can’t imagine
having to know what to do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A friend who
is willing to pray for me and talk to me when I don’t know what is going on. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I sit there and I pray and I think of all the
amazing things. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 22pt;">See
each person has things that we struggle with and while we are not always aware
of it there is a reason that we are going through the things that we do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Lately it is that God is telling me that He
has everything that somehow it will be okay.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I am struggling with things that are beyond my control and yet God has
been reminding me it isn’t over yet! Things will be okay.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can look at each of the people that I pray
for and I can say that I not only pray for them because of the situation that
they are in now but also for the type of person that they are.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However, if I am truthful I don’t know what
they are going through at the moment most of the time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Most of the time I am thinking about the type
of person they are or how they have touched my heart so much.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If we are honest with ourselves we all have
titles that we can use and some of them will not be nice or pretty to be called
but we can use them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I simply pray for
who they are and for all that they are.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I pray for all the ripples that they cause and for the ones that they
cause.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wonder if it will be just
ripples or if the waves will come crashing over and yet I still sit there and
pray. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Monotype Corsiva"; font-size: 22pt;">God
has brought me to where I am, Only God will take me to a different situation, I
can move and do the things that he called me to do but I am still called by God
to love, respect, care for and do all the things that He has commanded me to
do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Right now I also have to learn that
Worry is not one of those things that God has called me as His child not to
stress.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That the things of this world
Money, medical, jobs, friends and anything else that I add to it are just God
reminding me that I don’t have control but that it is all God! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16097143820234888686noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8537863231191910183.post-5215436244089520822013-04-13T00:41:00.001-04:002013-04-13T00:48:14.927-04:00Adapting<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Adapting is something that I have gotten used to in the past fifteen years or so...</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Think about the changing in the past 15 years</span><br />
<br />
<ul>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Graduating college</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Getting married</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Having a job</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Having one child</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Having two children</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Dealing with brain cancer</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Dealing with mitochondrial disease</span></li>
</ul>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Well just to name a little</span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">However, I can honesty say I am getting used to putting me first and to take care of myself. After taking care of people and various illnesses, even dealing the health of myself. My body is telling me it is time for me to adapt again. </span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">After a very long time of dealing with pcos, insulin resistance and diabetes...I am dealing with it in a very new way. My mother had type 1 very brittle diabetes, I grew up with insulin, shots, checking blood sugars and all the up and downs of it. In 2002, I started meds for my blood sugars and insulin resistance. My a1c had been great.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">However, I'm trying to adapt since my body is having more issues and my blood sugars are high. I am now in the process of using insulin to help. In this it means I'm adjusting to shots and sticks but also am adjusting to carrying machines, meds and needed supplies. It's getting warmer, how do I deal with it? How do I keep it cool? Can I find something to keep up with it all? A pouch that has my personality?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I'm dealing with people not understanding or thinking about what they say before they talk. The tests are pointing to this not being because of what I eat, mostly cause my labs are pointing to this. I went from an amazing a1c to one hat is way higher than it should be. I'm dealing with and adapting what I eat, drink, and do. Learning who can deal with me checking my blood sugar, give myself insulin,and who is bold enough to help me by adapting themselves. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We adapt as we live, with each breath!</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I'm thankful for family and friends that are considered family</span></div>
Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16097143820234888686noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8537863231191910183.post-22342472037337009612013-04-08T01:00:00.004-04:002013-04-08T01:00:46.624-04:0012... 12 what???
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Rockwell","serif";">12 a simple
number…. It can stand for a dozen of something.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It can be the number of any number of things, however, for me 12 stands
for 12 hours.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Rockwell","serif";">12 the number
of injections in my knees and thumbs to help with the psoriasis all done at a doctor’s
appointment that took an hour of my day to wait and 15 mins to see the PA <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Rockwell","serif";">I got a
pedicure done, my legs massaged, and my toe nails painted bright orange, think highlighter
orange and got a butterfly on my big toes <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Rockwell","serif";">I got my 2<sup><span style="font-size: x-small;">nd</span></sup>
holes changed to hoops, after the weeks that the starter earrings had to remain
in.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I got to change them and I got to
put hoops in. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not a big deal I get it
but for someone that doesn’t wear much jewelry and honestly who has NEVER worn
earrings that weren’t studs, this is a huge thing for me. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Rockwell","serif";">I gave my best
friend control to change my hair.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yes,
GAVE! See I have always had the same style… Never having bangs or layers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Until this past 6 months I had never colored
my hair.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I didn’t know what I wanted so
I told her; she could do whatever she wanted as long as I didn’t look like a
boy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think it is safe to say, I don’t
look like a boy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I just knew that I
wanted something different and I wanted it to be short and well fun!!! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Rockwell","serif";"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Rockwell","serif";">Why 12
hours?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>See 12 hours was given to me as a
gift as one of the ultimate signs of love and concern…my best friend gave me 12
hours.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She was willing to give up her
day off to go with me to a doctor’s appointment to make sure that I voiced
concerns that she has had to hear my cry over.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>She was willing to watch the PA inject my knees and thumbs with 12
shots.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She was willing to help me
schedule things that needed to be done that I have to have another adult at
with me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She sat and heard me call other
doctors to voice concerns on new meds and things that I am learning about
again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She was willing to remind me to
take meds, heck even waking me up when I fell asleep before I gave myself my
meds.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She dragged me to get the pedicure
because it was obvious that we both needed it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>She listened to me say that I didn’t want to look like a boy but that I
would love to be more girly and ready for summer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She took the time to listen to me respond to
styles and to explain to her what I wanted for my hair.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She took the time to teach me the things that
I needed to know to fix it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Rockwell","serif";">So why am I
telling you this… is it because I wanted to brag on her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well yes, I do want to brag on her, I am
thankful that God has brought her to not only me but to my family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But the main reason is because 12 hours isn’t
a long time but it has made the biggest difference ever in my life and in how I
feel about myself<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you know me you
know that I very seldom put myself first, I am a servant and I rather serve you
than have myself be served.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However, God
really stepped down and showered me with love.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>See I had asked several people to go to lunch, meet to pray, to just talk
and we were all too busy and so I was feeling alone and isolated, not for
anything that had gone on in the past but because of what is going on now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I needed to know that I was going to be
okay.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I mean I know that I am going to
be okay but when you feel overwhelmed with life having someone invest in you
makes a difference. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Rockwell","serif";">When is the
last time that you cared enough to talk to a person, to a friend? I am not
talking about small talk but to really find out how they feel and what is going
on in their lives.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One of the changes
that I am making to spend more time on others and on myself, to take the time
to learn about the people around me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How
is their family? How are they? <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I want to
make a difference, I want to be the one that people know they can call on but
also be the one that they know that I will call, come and help whenever they
need it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When is the last time that you
helped someone not because of the appearance of things but because you were
willing and able to do something that made a difference in their lives? No
matter what they needed.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Rockwell","serif";">I can tell you
it isn’t easy… I am sure it hasn’t been easy for those that truly know me to
see me deal with the medical tests, doctor’s appointments and medications.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am sure that they haven’t enjoyed watching
me be so hard on myself and cutting myself down.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am sure that it hasn’t’ been easy for them to
change things about their own life to help me with my life. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am sure they haven’t enjoyed the stories
they have heard or the tears that I have shed while told them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am sure that they haven’t known what to say
and worried that they were going to hurt me with words instead of help me with
them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am sure that they just didn’t
know what to do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But truth is they did
know.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Rockwell","serif";">They held my
hands, wiped my tears, and heard my stories, didn’t discount my emotions or
think that they would understand.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They
have cooked dinner; they have taken care of my family when I didn’t want
to.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We have laughed and had a great time
in those 12 hours.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It starts with a
moment, just a little time and desire to know. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Rockwell","serif";"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Rockwell","serif";">How are you
doing? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16097143820234888686noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8537863231191910183.post-47085596497672689022013-03-28T19:18:00.001-04:002013-03-28T19:18:23.210-04:00True friends Best friends
<br />
<div align="left" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">A friend is something
that most people take for granted… I know that until I had Zach I did.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I never thought about what was going on and
if I was going to have someone to share it with.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Zachary had an illness that robbed his body
of his ability to grow, eat and to eventually live, he however touched everyone’s
life that met him or saw a picture.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even
with an AMAZING spirit Zach didn’t have a friend besides Aden.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It wasn’t till towards the end of his life
that we realized that because he was in the hospital so much he didn’t know
what it was to be a friend or have a friend. </span></div>
<br />
<div align="left" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">For me though it goes
past that though… see we all have cycles of friends let me explain.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You have a good friend in high school, you
may grow more distant when you go to college but you still talk however,
someone else fills that role… you have a child and your friends change, we have
a ton of situations that effect our circle of friends.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I learned that I had friends, people that
said a lot of words, that did things with us and that seemed on the outside to
care.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However, what I learned was that
when Zach started to have issues people started becoming less available to talk
and to do things.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then Zach started
going to the hospital a lot more and people said “you’re going again” and told
me “well I can’t handle him being sick” or “I can’t handle yall going to the hospital
again”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then well we had to make the
decision to let Zach go and put him on hospice one of the hardest decisions we
have ever had to make and I am venturing to say the hardest one we will ever
make as parents.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I thought that we would
have more people come around since we were home and dealing with it at home but
that didn’t happen, even more people left, more friends.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sigh, then the heartbreaking event of Zach’s
body being no longer to take the struggles of this word happen, he went to
heaven to receive his Holy and perfect body.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>People showed up for a while but after the “newness” wore off so did
their offers to talk and to do things. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then we lost the circle of friends that we had
because of Zach, they either thought that I would be upset because of their child
being sick or they thought that I should only have “normal, typical” parents as
friends.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<br />
<div align="left" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">So why am I writing about
this?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Simply because I have learned some
things about friends, not only things about the friends that I have but the
type of friend that I want to be! </span></div>
<br />
<div align="left" class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-align: left; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I have learned that when you have TRUE friends
BEST friends that you gain more than that one person you gain the family that
surrounds that person.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mothers, Fathers,
Aunts, Children just to name a few.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They
will speak their minds, hold your hands, tell you to call doctors and well tell
you that you are beautiful!</span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I have learned that when you have TRUE friends
BEST friends that they are willing to say their heart even if it might hurt you.
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They tell you to get over it, to whine
but then to put it up on the shelf.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They
tell you need to redo your hair or get a new outfit.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I have learned that when you have TRUE friends
BEST friends that they are willing to change their lifestyle to help you change
yours.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They are willing to help you make
lifestyle changes because you have to even though that means that it effects
what they get to eat, drink and do</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I have learned that when you have TRUE friends
BEST friends that they willing to hold your hand and walk through a situation
even if they have not a clue of what to do because they only want the best for
you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They are willing to pray for
doctors appointments, hold your hand, encourage you and even go with you when
you need support.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I have learned that when you have TRUE friends
BEST friends that they are willing to do something that they might not like to
help you through a rough time. </span></div>
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<div align="left" class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-align: left; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I have learned that when you have TRUE friends
BEST friends that they are willing to have the same emotions that you
have.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When you are mad, sad, aggravated,
hurt, happy or a mixture of them all, they experience them with you!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Willing to cry tears because the only thing
they can to is to hold you while you totally lose it </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I have learned that when you have TRUE friends
BEST friends that it doesn’t matter what time you call or text they will
listen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This isn’t just limited to them
but to the family that you gain as well.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I have learned that when you have TRUE friends
BEST friends that you learn to trust them with all of the silly and embarrassing
things.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That includes the questions that
you are too embarrassed to ask anyone!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I have learned that when you have TRUE friends
BEST friends that they are willing to talk to you or text you into the early
mornings just to make sure that you do fall asleep and that you know the dreams
that keep you awake don’t make you who you are.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">See I know that I want to
be a better friend; I want to be the one that walks in when they rest of the
world walks out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I want to be the friend
that gets asks embarrassing personal questions to because I am trusted that
much! I want to be the one that is called on no matter what is going on. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Do you? Can you say that
you are that friend? Can you say that you will stick around no matter what? </span></div>
Jenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16097143820234888686noreply@blogger.com0