Monday, November 7, 2011

ups and downs, but no words

Another day and I can honestly say that I am without words, I have had a hard time lately because I don’t know what to say. In the past week I have been exposed to a rainbow of emotions, the wonderfulness of awesome things and the hurting devastation of the hard horrible things.

A child going to be with Jesus

A mom going to be with Jesus

Listening to a child who is starting to read

Hearing a child say Yes Ma’am or Yes Sir

Seeing a friend that you don’t get to see

A friend who is leaving her husband and has to take care of her children

Reading an article where your son was mentioned, that the word of the disease is getting out

Reading an article where your son was mentioned and realizing that he is dead

Yes, the ups and downs are so very real, the emotions are real. You aren’t ready for them, they come and they crush your heart. I have a friend that I miss more than I can admit. It isn’t something that I can express all I know is that for whatever reason, God allowed them to be taken from me. I think about her often and I wonder how she is doing and how things are going. I hold her close to my heart. My heart cries every time I think of her.

Then I think Aden going to a new school. He loves it, it isn’t something that we took lightly, and it was only after Aden had two days of testing to see where cognitively he was and how he was doing that we considered it. We had planned on waiting till Jan., however, we had several things that occurred that I no longer could ignore. Aden, who is a wonderful child, was having negative reports every day. Now I know that he isn’t perfect but he isn’t a bad child. We moved him to a private school, he is now one of 7 in his class, they are able to let him move as fast as he wants and he is showing that he is far more capable of what he was doing.

In doing this switch, God blessed me as well; I was interviewed and asked to be a preschool para and resource teacher. This is the 1st time that I have worked since I have had a job. The last time I worked I was pregnant with Aden. My world is totally different; HOWEVER, I can say God has totally blessed me. For those that don’t know my passion is teaching children 2-5 years old and then special needs children. So what I am doing know is amazing, it was planned by God. I am enjoying it greatly and while there are still huge ups and downs…like when I am working with children that would be Zach’s age. I am feeling very blessed.

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