Monday, November 14, 2011

5 months

What do I say? 5 months, well it pretty much sucks, would you like to know why? Because in 5 months, I have changed my life radically, I have lost friends, I have changed, I have struggled to remember the good, I have grown, and I am now starting to laugh.  In 5 months, my life is becoming something.  I have gotten my voice back, singing once again.  Now that I have my voice back I am struggling to articulate everything, which is frustrating.  I have a job again, which is the 1st time in not only 5 months but in the past 6.5 years.  It is a new step. 
I miss Zach in my arms, I miss hearing Aden and Zach playing and laughing.  Zach’s death affects everyone, not just me but Adam and Aden as well.  I am struggling to figure out how to set this aside and look at ALL of the GOOD.  There is SO much good.  I know that I am blessed and I know that my family is.

Thanksgiving is coming up and I am thinking about that.  Thanksgiving is a FAMILY day and we are getting to be together celebrating, we will be one short but I am so nervous about it.  Then Christmas, I have been asked a ton of times about all the things that are going on for Christmas.  I don’t know what is going happen, all I want is to celebrate the good things, the family that we have and all of the things that we are blessed about.  I get asked what Adam wants, what Aden wants, and what I want.  I put together a list but I don’t know what all to put on it so in this case, for those that asked this is just a bit of ideas, I don’t expect, we don’t expect anything.  I was told that by doing an Amazon list that it can be sent directly to us.  So please feel free to ask me questions, we are learning as we go.
All we know is that we miss Zach and that we are going to take this each step at a time.  5 months seems like forever, but we are encountering things that we have never faced before.

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