· To be tired. It seems like during this season we always have something to do. I can’t figure out how it happens, it just magically because packed with lots of things. Christmas parties, trips, shopping and much much more. All of those Christmas and Holiday events are in addition to the normal things I am learning that in the past we have just done way to much… that is just way that it is too much stuff to do during this time.
· To be stressed Along with the tired is stressed being worried about what to do, when to do it, and how to do it? What to buy for whom? In our household it is also stressful because there is a whole class of emotions that we don’t know how to deal and there is a sense of people not being sure of what to say and do. There are hives, headaches and aches in general, there is trouble sleeping and settling down and no way to say what is causing it
· To be happy. This is the season that we (Christians) celebrate the birth, we are able to rejoice with all the things that have occurred we count our blessings and in many cases we try to share with others. Society just wants us to be happy and to be good during this time of year. To have that Christmas Joy. What I am learning is that happy all the time is not possible, it is not possible esp for me this year. I can’t help it and I can’t change it and I earned it. Now I am sorry to say that but I don’t want to hear another person tell me, just deal with it and be happy, that I still have a lot to be happy about. I spent 4 years caring for someone that is not here, this is the year of the 1st so deal with it I will, be happy all the time I will not. I will not change who I am because it makes someone uncomfy. Here is where I say, like I do to Aden, tough cookies, deal with it. I am happy, I have my tree up, I have my shopping started, I have my stockings up, I have my Christmas cards going across my mantel. I am not stuck in being unhappy; just have an occasional sadness that I can’t stop. It is okay love on me, support me and remind me that I am not alone because as quickly as that upsetness came is as fast as it will go away
· To be with family. For me this is something that I can’t explain, I have a ton of joy that I am with people that I love but it also causes me to miss people. Not just Zach, although I miss him greatly but others. I just have this deep sense of loss, not that I have lost them but because life is busy, jobs and school sometimes get in the way of being able to chat, get together and love on each other. I have some people that I miss so much that when I get to talk to them I don’t know what to say, I don’t want to complain or be a pain, I just want to chat and feel the love that I know is there but I have to be reminded of.
· To be loved I am not really sure how this works but the Holiday Season (Thanksgiving and Christmas) is known for being hard emotionally for lots of people and tend to feel very isolating. I am learning this again 1st hand. It is like all the things that we once knew, the traditions that we did are all hard and don’t feel just right. So for me, every since my mother died, I have tried to make sure that during the Christmas season I make an effort to love on and included EVERYONE. Sometimes it is hard because I want to be by myself but to be loved. I realize how badly, especially right now, it is needed to be loved. To feel isolated and alone all time even when there are tons of people around you, to feel love helps during this time.
See if you are reading this you know, well I think so anyway, that I know that everything works to the benefit of those that believe in Christ, it doesn’t erase the bad or hurtful things, trust me I have plenty. It does however, help us keep our focus and realize that we aren’t the only ones. That we are here to be good family, a good friend, to be a kind stranger, that we are here to love on those that are near us and to be there with whomever needs it. Christmas, well this Christmas season, has been nothing like I expected it to be and nothing like it was I am called to love more, hug more, and be more than I have ever in the past and while I am doing that I am praying that I can make it through this season with love, joy, happiness and the most important of all HOPE.