Well okay I lied; there are lots of words to say...
There is hope, I can see that Zach is better off, he is healed and doing better. I can see us as a family doing things again. Laughing again, playing again, making changes
There is joy, we are learning to laugh again and to count all the little things too, and we have gotten to enjoy the lights and the Christmas things. A month ago, I don’t think that I would have been able to do; I believe that I would have been so hurt and missing him so much that I couldn’t enjoy it. However, I have gained and been blessed by new friends and been continually blessed by old ones.
There is pain, not having him with us, hearing Aden miss his brother, not being able to sign a card correctly, and calling out the wrong name. However, there is reassurance that all is well, as the old hymn says, It is well with my soul. It is true, God gives that peace and right now through this year. I can say God has reached down and touched my heart. Yes there are tears and there is pain but there is so much good. So many wonderful blessing if I choose to look at them and choose them. I feel blessed
See I never in a million years thought that I would understand the pain and the hurt that I am going through right now, but you know what I do. Part of me working through all the emotions is to realize God had his son die to. There is not an emotion that I am feeling that He doesn’t understand. The pain, the hurt, the love, the joy… See I am learning all of it is a gift.A gift, yes a gift, see I didn’t know or understand before Zach it meant to have a sick child, I took Aden for granted, I took my family for granted, I took the ability to do things for granted. Last night Adam and I watched a show and a family gave birth to a little baby with heart issues. What struck me and what God was reminding me is that we were blessed, why, this family walking through the hardest thing ever, had no family with them, no one to hold their hand, to reassure, to walk with or to cry on. We were blessed we had tons… Adam’s parents for one never left our sides and are still with us. We had family come to the hospital; we had friends come to the house to do the little things. We were NEVER alone; it was never just us fighting. We were and are blessed. Because of all the support I was able to stick by the thought that “Zach had mito but mito didn’t have Zach” There were times that I doubted that BUT I felt and I knew that it was right, that is a gift. We are blessed by the gifts that others may not understand and I am praying that each day I can learn to focus on those good things.