Really…

I can’t be the only one that is going through all of this but yet I don’t have a clue on what I am supposed to be doing. I can’t be the only one that is feeling the way that I am but yet I am feeling very ashamed and very embarrassed, very isolated. I know that I don’t need to but I do. I know that there is nothing that I can do about a number of the situations that have occurred so why is it so hard to manage to move on. Why is it so hard to realize that I can’t do a thing about what is going on and that what I am feeling is okay to feel?
Grief is something that cannot be explained in one way…how one person does it might not be the way the next one does. Some people grieve some while the person is still alive, some people wait for months or even years to deal with it, some jump right in and begin to heal the sec the death occurs.

What I am learning is that people honestly don’t understand… they try, they are human though and they don’t’ always get it. I have learned that people honestly try but they aren’t always able to understand what is going on or why things bother you so much. I have a friend who is always okay to the outside world, once you break through that wall you find out that she hurts deeply and is striving each day to be the best that she can be but feels like she is failing horribly, The I have another friend who honestly opens up to everyone and lets them know what she is feeling that she is mad, unable to cope, upset, want to be gone. Which one is right? Which one is the way we should be? I honestly don’t know. All I know is that I am neither one of them. I am a third way all together mostly because I am so up and down it is crazy. I seem to be on this rollercoaster of emotions that I cannot get off of.

God is holding me and He is moving me towards what He wants me to be but on the way there He is molding me and it hurts, it is difficult. I have had a hard time knowing that this is all for a reason. However, I know that God is sufficient; He is all that I need. I know that He is all that I need. I know that I have family and friends that love on me even when I feel unlovable. I know that I will make it through. The up and downs of emotions though are HORRIBLE and misunderstood.