Friday, October 21, 2011

God’s unexpected plan…

A long time ago, well not so long ago but too much with all that has gone on it seems forever ago., a book was given to me by a mom who has special needs children. She had recently had a daughter that was blessed to go be with Jesus, in her pain and in her healing we were blessed with some items that we desperately needed for Zach. Because of her daughter’s legacy, Zach sat at the table with us at meals and was able to color/do art with his brother. I told her thank you for that!

However, in with those items was a book, a book that she drew Hope and comfort through. I never understood why I was given this book. When we first got it I tried and tried and tried to read it and I couldn’t. I always thought it was because I didn’t have time, or the desire. I found out today, it was because my heart wasn’t ready for it. This book explains how my heart feels, it reminds me that I am not alone, and not only am I not alone but that God has NEVER left me in this journey.

The book is titled: Holding on to HOPE: a pathway through suffering to the heart of God. By Nancy Guthrie. This book was moved from spot to spot in our house, one day in the past couple of months Adam picked it up. Now for anyone that knows Adam, him picking up this book should have been my 1st clue that God was in it. Adam doesn’t really care to read just to read and this was book 2 that he had picked up to read. Adam read it and told me, Jen please try to read this. I pushed it off. Yesterday morning, Adam took it out of his book bag and handed it to me. I took this as God’s sign for me to read it. I had been looking for a bible study or a book to help me deal with and handle with some of the intimate things in my heart. I took this as God’s mouth and a push that the time was right for me to read this book that we had for over a year probably.

I finished this book, this morning!!! I made myself stop reading yesterday because I needed to do some things but I picked it back up this morning and finished it. God is so amazing… God took the pain of a mom to write this book, took the pain of a mom to give me the book (not just suggest it but actually give it) to touch me; A mom who is hurting from all of the things that have occurred. Here is how it has changed though. There is a story, a section of verses in the bible that talks about why there was a man who was born blind. See in the day it was the custom that it was someone’s fault, I know I am like that even today, if the tire blows out what did I do, if Aden gets sick what did I do, this isn’t a concept that has gone away. So in John 9, God reminds us that He is the ultimate designer.

“Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” “Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life.” John 9:2-3

Now, this has been a life passage for Adam for the past couple of years, the peace that Adam needed to know that it is ALL for God’s GLORY. It has nothing to do with us; we are simply vessels to accomplish the task that God has placed forth. I think that this has hit home with me lately. The number of life’s that Zach has touched, we will never know, but I can stand and tell you that I am stronger today than I was yesterday. That I have a purpose and a passion to help those walk through the unbearable things of their lives, the ones that many don’t understand and don’t want to even imagine.. God didn’t intend for us to do this alone.

Just as we were handed this book from a dear mom, I pray that I am able to pass on the encouragement and the love to make it one more sec, then one more min, then one more day! Then those days will add and it will be a week, those weeks, will become months. The pain doesn’t go away but I have accepted that God has desired it perfectly for me, that He is holding me and that He has never stopped loving me.

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