So many people understood the beach story that I am going to try to eleborate on it a tad.
So on a beach you have the water or the ocean and you have the shore. Most people have a favorite of what they do but many people sit on the beach. They play and do other things to pass time and relax, reading, tanning, talking to name a few. They only look up on occasion to glance over the water.
Sometimes if you are sitting on shore when of glance up you notice the waves, they an be big or choppy or they might just look different. Sometimes you notice a pelican dive bombing into the water to catch a fish or sometimes you notice the sun and how is reflecting on the clouds or if it is gone. You notice the people playing in the water, but you only see their heads or part of them.
If you are sitting on the beach and you are making a sand castle then you are aware of the waves, see the waves move the sand and they destroy what you have built on occasions. Sometimes you have to start totally over, sometimes you have a little of the castle left and sometimes you have a person who just gtd do frustrated they stop and give up, throwing the shovel and pail to go to another activity.
If you are in the water you don't aways see where the undertow is taking you, you may wind up hundreds of yards away from your stuff. You don't realize how bright the sun is and how you might be getting sunburnt. You don't even notice the people around you possibly, you were caught up with the people you are with doing the things that you are doing.
Okay so why am I telling you this... Yesterday was a good day at the beach, it was pretty and calm and enjoyable. The waves came but the were mild and they didn't effect the emotions of the day. The pain was there but it was overshadowed by joy. I felt the best that I have felt in about two weeks. The waves came without noticing it they became rough and more painful, till I noticed that I was far away from where I needed to be hurting and all alone in the water. I was strong enough to realize those emotions don't have to win and I came to shore to find out the the tide was up an the water has swept away my things. I could look up and see the good... People that care and love tht is there but so tired from the emotions that I just gave up and laid down, crying and praying. For me I start to doubt what I should be doing and if I have a reason to be here. I start to doubt if I make a difference, if I am a good mom, if I am a good wife. Waves and waves and waves of emotions
So this morning I am sitting on the beach clinging to the shore where the waves are gentle in hopes that I can be okay, that I can make a difference and realize I am not alone.