tears

Sometimes tears just come… they don’t have to be on a schedule or for a reason they can be triggered by a smell, emotion, email or just because.  I was sitting here tonight trying to figure out if writing on the blog was going to happen tonight or if I was going to wait.  I am exhausted and worn out and so there was a battle in my head.  Well most people that know me will say if I am exhausted I am more emotional so here I am with tears streaming down my face.

Could it be because?

·         Because of a friend contacting me telling me she has cancer

·         Because of a friend doing a fundraiser to get a van that is handicapped accessible for a child who has mito and is progressing.

·         Because of a friend doing a fundraiser because of surgery that is coming up and needing to cover costs of it or the friend that posted that they were donated enough money to get a piece of medical equipment that they desperately needed.

·         Because of Birthdays coming up in general and knowing that Zach will never have another birthday

·         Because of My Amazing Husband’s birthday that is coming up because I get to share it with him and get to try to celebrate him the way that he deserves. 

·         Because of My birthday coming up, I don’t know why exactly but for some reason this year it is hard for me and I am struggling with it.

·         Because of Aden’s Birthday because he is turning 7 and is AMAZING.  I am blessed to have him and he is such an amazing young boy. How do you celebrate someone who has been through so much but is still so giving and loving

·         Because of the fact I get to celebrate everyone’s birthday but Zach’s birthday

·         Because of a friend calling me and talking to her on the phone.  I am not a phone person: text yes, email yes, pm yes Phone NO.

·         Because of me trying so hard to change my lifestyle and to do things have no weight lost and to struggle trying to get time to go to the gym and coordinate schedules with all that is going on.

·         Because of my littles at school who remind me daily that Zach isn’t here on earth anymore but I am blessed with others to care about and love on.  I love my littles

·          Because of helping with special needs children and wondering if Zach’s life was to teach me to love and to understand the isolation that comes with being part of that life.  I felt isolated and I know that I had and have a huge support group and I still feel like I am isolated.

·         Because my brain runs and runs and spins with thoughts ideas and other things that I can’t explain.

·         Because I am striving to be a good friend and to be the best that I can be for friends

All I really know is that I am sitting here with tears streaming down my face