Monday, May 14, 2012

11 months

11 Months, Today is 11 months and so I am praying that I can start to get things together to take to the hospital. The pain is VERY VERY real and I am praying that this will make someone else’s pain a tad easier.  I know that the way I hurt isn’t the way the next one will hurt but I know that I lived a life that no one should have to and it ended far before we were ready for it too.  11 months seems like a breath then I am reminded that Zach has now been dead longer than I was able to carry him inside of me.  I am reminded that he is now dead longer than the number of days that he was inpatient for 2011.  I am reminded that these days will add up and will continue to grow and one day he will be dead on earth longer than he was alive on Earth. 

Zach was perfect and we let him do all the things that we could but we also spent lots of time in the hospital and making things better.  Today I was taking care of a little boy that was about the same age as Zach, he had what we think was an allergic reaction, I didn’t hesitate and I went back into medical momma mode.  I miss it, I miss hugging on Zach, talking to him, loving on him and taking care of him medically, I had a closeness to Zach that I miss.  I still wake up in the middle of the night thinking that I need to do medications or that I need to check the pump that is beeping.  I still have moments in the day when I think that I have to check for an appointment that I can’t miss or that I need to check to see if he is breathing.

The children that we are collecting for through Remembering Zachary deserve to have days, months and years outside the hospital but they are instead laying in a hospital bed with parents looking on wondering what the next things that they are going to be robbed of.  They wonder if they are going to have another day of school, a full night of sleep, a day without things going “wrong”.  They wonder if they have the procedure done on their child that they need to if they will wake up again, if it is worth it. 

11 Months ago, we were staring lovingly at our precious boy who smiled and loved everyone,  He was amazing and wonderful.  He had mito but Mito didn’t have him.  He struggled as Mito robbed his body little by little of the things that he needed to live and to cope.  We were robbed little by little of the time that we were could spend with him and the things that we could do.  Zach’s body gave up, Zach gave up.  The week before Zach died we had a conversation with Zach, he asked us if Buddy could go to see “Jsus” (Jesus) with him, I told him absolutely and that Buddy was his.  WE loved on Zachary and Buddy....we gave medications to them and made them comfortable.  11 Months ago today Zach and Buddy were blessed and welcomed into Heaven to spend time with Jesus.  Yesterday I had tears in my eyes missing him and my mother and I suddenly thought yes but Zach is hugging my mom right now, they aren’t alone and neither am I.

Please consider donating to help us take things to CHOA Scottish Rite, please help us touch lives that are desperatly needing some smiles in their lives right now.  Please help us bring smiles to children and tears to parents as they see their children enjoying themselves.  It all matters, everything no matter what, no matter how small or how silly matters. 

Items and ideas:

-hotwheels, cars, trucks, other vehicles of any size
-babies or other dolls
-markers all sizes and types
-paper: copy paper, construction paper of all sizes
-new dress up clothes (boys and girls)
-new brightly colored pillowcases
-books for all ages
-DVDs rating pg and under
-games for all ages
-coloring books
-play dough sets and just dough
-pens, pencils and other writing instruments
-store bought prepackaged snacks
-iTunes gift cards
-visa gift cards

In honor of Buddy Zach’s friend for life.. There is a group online that is making them with build a bear animals. It isn’t buddy but for another child it would be a friend going through the same thing. We would like to help other families through this as well.

Please contact them at: You can donate to them through paypal Any amount of money will help, I am not sure how much it costs but including shipping is probably close to 30 dollars.

Please make sure to let them know you are donating in Zachary Moody’s honor. We want to try to get a picture of all of them to save

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