Friday, February 24, 2012

Life is changing and I am kicking and screaming…

However I am learning that it isn’t all bad, I will forever love Zach but I am learning that some of the change that I am going through is good.  There are situations that are bad.  There are situations that occurred in Zach’s life that have forever changed who we are for the best.  We can look back and certain events and realize that we have learned things that will help us love on and encourage others more.  I have to learn that I am okay… not just in words and not in faking it all but that I am okay.  That the things that I am going through are things that many want to gloss over, that I don’t want to tell everyone but that God has and that I will make it through, stronger and more of an encourager.
I am blessed with an amazing family… I love them so much.  I love Adam, how amazing is he? Well I he is the love of my life, a wonderful husband, and an amazing father.  He is a hard worker, a great teacher and a wonderful listener.  I am honored that I get to talk to him and that I get to be part of his life, I am honored that when times are hard, difficult or shaky no matter if he understands or not that he is with me for the whole situation, not just what others get to see.  I am amazed with an amazing son, who cares for others and is trying to do the best that he can in everything that he does.  He is smart and a leader.  I can’t wait to see how he grows and develops. 

I am working at a new place with amazing Godly people, not that there aren’t issues and situations but to know that I can ask for prayer and know that people are concerned for me is amazing and to know that I am part of that is honoring.  To know that I can contact 3 of them, maybe more, that I can ask for prayer, ask questions, and be honest with is heartwarming.  It is wonderful to know that I am at a place that people care and that I am being allowed to be part of the love that is there.  It is nice to know that I am working with children that I love, that I can love on and adore them. 

I am (Adam and I are) sending Aden to a new school, which has allowed Aden to know that he is loved.  It is teaching him that Zach isn’t hurting anymore, that God’s plans aren’t like ours, that our timing and God’s timing don’t always match but that GOD loves us.  It has allowed him to hurt; I have been amazed at hearing him to say that he has people that care about him.  That is isn’t made fun of anymore and that there are adults there that care.  He is learning a ton there, if you ask him what his favorite things is about being there is? He will tell you that it is Bible that he gets to learn about God.

I am developing new friendships and working on a couple of old ones.  I have a friend that we have developed our friendship in the past 8 months, she is very important to me and I am striving to be an amazing friend to her.  It is taking me learning that not everyone understands what I have been through and that I can’t expect anything from anyone.  I am learning that they only one that I can expect anything out of is myself and even then I can’t even count on that.  I have several friends that I have been talking to trying to become closer to.  Then I have a new friend that I am learning how to be a true encourager with, I have enjoyed the texting and all of the conversations.  She is one of two that truly get what I am going through.  I am delighted that have those two to encourage, love on, and to develop relationships with.  To know that I am being prayed for by the very ones that I am praying for has touched my heart greatly.

Sometimes I have to be kicking and screaming in order to realize that God has been here all along… I am His daughter and He is holding me and asking me to trust Him.  That I can’t do any of this without Him, I need to be still and let God fight for me.  That God is holding me and that He is singing over me, He is bottling up my tears and that He is singing over me.  I am His Child and He loves me, there isn’t an event that touches my life that He doesn’t know about.  So Kicking and screaming I take one step, it might be the only step that I take this week but I am striving to see the good and to stay with my eyes on God.   

1 comment:

  1. beautiful steps Jen, love and always prayers for your family-