forgiveness

I am tired, it is a good tired but I am tired, unable to wrap my mind around it all but thankful that I have God in my life with joy, happiness, friends and busy-ness.

I am learning about forgiveness, not for the rest of the world but for me… how do you figure yourself? Have you ever tried?  Have you ever done something not quite how you wanted to? Have you ever failed? Have you ever done something in a different manor than you wanted to? Have you ever just simply messed up?  Have you ever REALLY messed up?

If we are honest with ourselves, if we honestly look at our lives we will find out that we can answer YES to all of the above questions but we can also answer YES to more that I haven’t mentioned.  I struggle with forgiving myself for things that I have done in my past.  I struggle to forgive myself for not trying harder in relationships that I can never have back.  I struggle to forgive myself for getting tired, for getting overwhelmed, for just needing a break. 

Are any of these things that are horrible or things that change who I am no? Unless you want to consider the fact that the experiences that I have been in, the things that I have had to do, the things that have gone “wrong”, the things that I struggle with are simply things that just make me who I am.  Every situation good bad or both are from God.  There is nothing that we can do that can pull us away from God, from Jesus, once you have a personal relationship with God accepting Jesus into your heart, nothing can change that.  Nothing I can do, nothing you can do can take you away from God.

I struggle though; I struggle to build the confidence to talk to new people, to open up to build deep relationships.  I struggle because I have people that I get to talk to and spent a little time with that I deeply want to get to know more and spent more time.  I struggle knowing that there are children and families that I want to touch and make a difference I and I can’t because I just don’t know what to do or what to say.  I struggle because I want to be a good wife, a good mother, and a good friend.  I struggle because I don’t want to judged or laughed at. I struggle with knowing who I can share with and what I need to share. 

One step at a time. We are never alone. Our story makes us stronger!.