Remember those waves that I talked about a couple of weeks ago after several days maybe even several weeks those waves became huge, ugly, and rough. It was time for a storm. Time for my heart, body, and mind to be tested. Time for the waves to beat upon my heart, my body and my mind.
I will admit when this last storm hit I thought, after all I have been through, after all that we have been through we can do this.... I CAN DO THIS!!! Oh my, boy was I mistaken. Aden is a boy from the word go and I've never thought he should be anything different. He is relatively healthy minus a few GI issues, healthy. So when we found a spot on his leg, I thought, oh a bug bite. It looked irritated from from his socks but a bug bit, no big deal. Aden was blessed to go out of time with his grandparents and so we honestly thought no more of it little did we know that his little body was fighting a major war. when he returned he had three spots on his legs, they looked like allergic reactions, I marked them and gave him massive bendrayl dose and to bed he went. The next day the three spots were there plus a rash. It looked like possible infection so we took him to the doctor and she said yes to the infection and gave meds. The next day it was so much worse went to urgent care, by this time it wasn't just three dots, it was his WHOLE calf. They thought about admitting him to the hospital but they didn't, honestly I was so very thankful. Stronger meds and blood work and we went home. Over a week later, we found ourselves in the emergency room with our healthy child (the same er as the one that zach went to). The answer an allergic reaction both internal and contact. He is on steroids because his body wouldn't stop the signal of whatever he got into.
I will admit, this storm threw me for a loop... It has been physically and emotionally draining. While Adam has a new job, we are still waiting to be paid and we are still waiting for us to be eligible for insurance. All of the meds, apps, doctors, lab work, the er were all done without out us having insurance. We were blessed to have family that walked with us and helped in every way possible, friends that cared and showed it by cards, taking aden out, texts and hugs. I am still shocked at how much it all cost and how much we have to pay. I can tell you this though.... Aden is worth it! It was like one horrible, long, terrifiying flashblack... Doctors not knowing what to do, hospitals, doctors, blood everything. Again I was amazed at a child strength in this case Aden's. He is so strong and amazing. It has made me wonder how I ever did it for zach. It left me wondering how my brain worked and how I was able to sleep at all. The children walk through it like it is part of life, Aden made the best of being out of school a week, of having blood drawn and an iv placed.
What is was all for I do not know, I can't even begin to imagine (all I know is that I have to constantly remind myself this isn't a punishment) but I do know somethings that I would love to share...
1. God has always been here and never leaves. It is sometimes hard to feel Him, there are times that I don't understand His ways. In Exodus 14:14 it says "The Lord will fight for you; you only need t be still". Now I will admit I don't do well being still but I am learning that God is here and I need to chillax! God has this!
2. The diet coke fairy exists... You just have to know that this is an amazing thing for me. If you know me, then you know that I love my diet coke, I really love diet coke with lime but diet coke I love as well. Diet coke is like most people's chocolate, you can have the chocolate or the coffee, I want the diet coke. I had some show up, diet coke elves.... Diet coke fairies... Either way! I'm extremely thankful.
3. Family matters... I am not sure what we would do without family that cared. It is hard for me to type more than that because it is so true. There is nothing like family that will pray and love on you through instances that most don't what to be part of, instances that they could have ran far far away it instead they ran to it. They never stopped being part of it;helping, loving and encouraging.
4. Good friends matter... This is one thing that I am learning! God has blessed me with several new friends. One of them in particular is a Christain and while it is a hurtful thing I am blessed that she is on the same route and same journey as I am. Part of the same club that I am in, the one that no one wants to be part of but that we can't get out of. The one where no one knows what to say so we are told stupid hurtful things. All this to say part of going through things and having friends is so you know you aren't alone, part of it is being honest enough to admit that you need help, that there are things you need and things that need to be prayed for. Being willing to open up just enough to get hurt but opening up enough to be blessed as well.
5. You probably never understand why... God says that everything works to the glory of His plans, this means that while I dont get it, God does. In 2 Timothy 1:7 it says "for God did not give us a spirit of timidity but a spirit of power, of love, and of self disciple". I hold this to be my example for what I need, God gave me the stength and power and love. Love, if God loves me and is for me who can be against me? God doesnt owe me an explanation, He doesn't have to ask me or to pass it by me. God is God, I am not!
As the waves come... I don't know what is going to happen but we will, I will make it through. Hopefully being a great friend and helping others as well as being able to remember that it isn't me that is responsible for the world being okay