Thinking

Thinking about Zachary isn't hard to do, figuring out what to do with all the emotions however is.  Grief is like waves sometimes the water is still and you can see the beautiful beach for miles then other times the current pulls you into deeper water where you can't catch your breath but are hit wave after wave after wave.   Sometimes you can see others on the beach and be fine till one little thing, thought, or person throws you into deep water.  Random things, thinking of Zachary and his sweet sweet smile or as odd as a band aid. Somedays my heart just hurts without a reason that can be figured out or explained. Other days I can be doing something and feel hugs from zach without a doubt I can feel him. Aden has a sweet sweet heart and I am convinced God blessed him with that heart to love zach deeper, however, we have seen that heart love on others and pray for things in ways that we didn't expect fom a 6 year old. As we get ready for him to complete kindergarten I realize this is on of the first milestones that zach will never have. Zach rode the bus, he went to school but he will never have another birthday, be invited to another birthday party, or attend much less gaduate from kindergarten. Sitting down to fill in invitations I realized how having a little brother like zach mattered to Aden. The things that Aden has done to reach out and love on others Zach touched us all.... It is hard cause we know we have people in our lives that don't know zach, they don't even know of him really. How hard is this? To have to explain that Aden has a brother, I'm not as blunt as aden who will flat out say, I have a brother who is in heaven, he died. I, however, am still struggling on how to answer questions. People can tell me all day LONG answer this way but nothing has settled in my heart as the right answer. So sitting here thinking of zachary isn't hard to do