Sometimes it is just hard

They don’t always tell you how hard being a mom is… they don’t tell you about having to get up when they are sick, breaking their hearts by saying no, and they don’t tell you how sometimes friends will change because you have little ones or how if you don’t do something like they think that you should that they will drop you.

I don’t have pictures of the recent days (the two above are from Easter); this week has been one full of testing and of waiting. So I thought that I would just vent. I just am going to list my thoughts. I am so sorry that this is so jumbled.

• I have a stupid fever blister, but it isn’t on my lips where I could handle it, the stupid thing is at the base of my nose, it hurts and it is irritating and since it just popped up I have several days with the thing.
• Aden has decided that he no longer want to potty train or go potty in the potty. He will still pee there but he doesn’t want to poop in there. I have decided that I am not going to worry about it but you know what that is really hard to do, so I go back and forth about getting mad and upset and know that it will happen to hang in there.
• I really wish that I could find an OT and ST that would come to the house; it is so hard to coordinate all of the appointments and to find childcare for Aden. I have made a request to find one that would come here.
• I wish that some of my friends would still be here; it is hard that they don’t want to chat or talk or when we do it is like pulling teeth. It is hard when you call and everything is “yes or no” and there isn’t any real conversation.
• It is hard to have everyone judge how you take care of your children, they always have an opinion, I mean I know that and I am glad that people express them but still… potty training, sleeping, eating, discipline, doctors, pacis, testing, babysitting. Goodness, no topic is off limits.
• It is so hard when you feel like you never get anything done, the clothes always have to be done again and the dishes do too, there is always another appointment. You wait in the doctor’s office just to be told to wait some more. The cycle never ends. Sometimes it is easier than others but sometimes it is harder than others as well.
• It is really really hard to explain Zach to everyone… I mean I don’t know what is wrong, a diagnoses, isn’t going to change treatment. I want a name to it but will it change what we are doing, no, we are doing the best we can. No, I can’t do more…. I mean what else do you want me to do. I don’t care that you think that you will move Heaven and Earth if he your child, I mean do you think that I haven’t been doing that, do you think that I really don’t care about him. Why does it matter if he still has his paci or if his tube isn’t hidden when he goes and plays? I mean yes there are germs and yes there is dirt but come on, Do I need to worry about it all, all the time? Zach needs and Aden needs to be able to go out and be "normal" children. They need to be able to go and play and have interactions with other children. They shouldn't be inside the house all the time and Aden shouldn't be punished for his brother being different and Zach shouldn't be punished because he isn't able to gain weight and because he has special needs. Do you have a child with special needs? Do you know what it entails at all? Do you know what it is like to go to 4 to 9 appointments a week and if you are lucky that you only have 2 that week? Do you know what it is like to be told that Zach is too small for things that could help him? Do you even care?
  

I guess my main thing is… If you are a friend be a friend! You might not understand and you are allow to state your opinion but don’t make you friend feel like she is doing everything wrong. Sometimes just being normal is the thing that we need the most… to talk about work, dating, husbands, and children. To go out for a dessert or run to get a diet coke or to meet you for a few so the children can play but so you realize that you aren’t alone. You know the normal things that are part of life. To be part of your problems cause it gets hard to only talk about my problems. I don’t know if this makes any sense but they never tell you how hard it will be!