Monday, November 19, 2012

Random thoughts

Have you ever just hit a moment and feel like I am done, everything is overwhelming , you are tired of everything happening and you want to be okay and have things settle down for a bit?   There are moments that you can literally look back and wonder how in the world did I make it through all the things that happened.  There are moments when you just sit down and sigh wondering how in the world you move on to the next moment.  Moments when your brain just needs help wrapping around everything.

.The fact that in a few days it will be 10 years since my mother died after a yearlong hard battle with brain cancer, this hit a week after 17 months of my son fighting an almost 4 year battle with mitochondrial disease.  I often look back and say how did I do school and help take care of my mother and date at the same time? I often think how did I be a wife and a mother and take care of a child that needed a full time nurse?  It has taught me to Praise God in the storm, that when I need to cry to cry, to try to let others help when I need it.  Often that is hard, I am not good at asking for help but I am getting better, I am getting better at realizing that God has an ultimate plan for each one of us.  I have definitely learned that I have some skills that are very special.  I have learned that I have important people in my live that without all of the things that have happened in my life I wouldn’t be able to touch people the way that I do.

Today I was thinking about all the things that have happened and all of the things that I need to do. Things about the blessings that I have and the things that are hard.  One of the biggest things that I need to do is make flowers for Zach’s grave, I know that I don’t go enough to his grave but I know that he deserves to have flowers at his grave.  What types of flowers are appropriate for a 3 year boy? What colors? However, it is hard to think that it is okay to be shopping for flowers for my 3 year olds grave! I just have to remind myself that it isn’t okay it is the ultimate plan that God had and Zach was honored enough to get be there with Him.  I often wonder what they are doing in heaven. I know that they get to Praise God face to face which has to be an AMAZING thing! However, what else do they do? How much fun is it to be in Heaven? I can’t imagine.  Does it feel like an everlasting overnight slumber party?  Does the joy just radiate and ooze off of everyone?

Then there are all the other things that come and go and it makes everyday life interesting, fun and busy!  Emotions come and go, Good and Bad!

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