Have you ever just hit a moment and feel like I am done,
everything is overwhelming , you are tired of everything happening and you want
to be okay and have things settle down for a bit? There are moments that you can literally
look back and wonder how in the world did I make it through all the things that
happened. There are moments when you
just sit down and sigh wondering how in the world you move on to the next moment. Moments when your brain just needs help
wrapping around everything.
.The fact that in a few days it will be 10 years since my
mother died after a yearlong hard battle with brain cancer, this hit a week
after 17 months of my son fighting an almost 4 year battle with mitochondrial disease.
I often look back and say how did I do
school and help take care of my mother and date at the same time? I often think
how did I be a wife and a mother and take care of a child that needed a full
time nurse? It has taught me to Praise
God in the storm, that when I need to cry to cry, to try to let others help
when I need it. Often that is hard, I am
not good at asking for help but I am getting better, I am getting better at
realizing that God has an ultimate plan for each one of us. I have definitely learned that I have some skills
that are very special. I have learned
that I have important people in my live that without all of the things that
have happened in my life I wouldn’t be able to touch people the way that I do.
Today I was thinking about all the things that have happened
and all of the things that I need to do. Things about the blessings that I have
and the things that are hard. One of the
biggest things that I need to do is make flowers for Zach’s grave, I know that
I don’t go enough to his grave but I know that he deserves to have flowers at
his grave. What types of flowers are appropriate
for a 3 year boy? What colors? However, it is hard to think that it is okay to
be shopping for flowers for my 3 year olds grave! I just have to remind myself
that it isn’t okay it is the ultimate plan that God had and Zach was honored
enough to get be there with Him. I often
wonder what they are doing in heaven. I know that they get to Praise God face
to face which has to be an AMAZING thing! However, what else do they do? How
much fun is it to be in Heaven? I can’t imagine. Does it feel like an everlasting overnight
slumber party? Does the joy just radiate
and ooze off of everyone?
Then there are all the other things that come and go and it
makes everyday life interesting, fun and busy!
Emotions come and go, Good and Bad!
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