Monday, August 20, 2012

Total randomness!!!

Every time I go to write I think… Things should be different.  Well the reality is, they should be different but the truth is that we were given a responsibility to keep walking when most of the world gives up.  We walked through Zach’s life never knowing what things were going to come our way or what we were going to do.  We strived to give him the best quality of life, allowing him to enjoy things even knowing that he wouldn’t be able to do anything afterwards.  Aden lived each day not knowing where he was going or if I was going to be here to tuck him in at night.  I think every day, I should be better, I should be different I should… well you fill in the blanks.

So here I go I am writing this as part of the conversation in my head, come on in and pull up a seat, enjoy your popcorn as well. 

It is a new school year, Zach should be here, and he would love it.  Aden is here and he LOVES school.  He is at an amazing school with an amazing teacher, with people that love him and where he is learning about God.  He is accepted even with his GI issues, which let me just say, I hate GI issues… they are slowly getting better but abdominal migraines suck and they are hard to explain, we never know when they are going to happen or where.  Can you imagine being with a group of children and having an accident? He is 6.5 years old and he has accidents still, at his new school he is loved and accepted.  He has a best friend that loves him for him, she loves him and protects him, she watching out for him and they have the best of times.  He has the best time with his friend and she understands him, they have the BEST time doing things and will beg to be together.  I am delighted that he has a friend that matters that much.  He has a new class this year and he isn’t the only boy, YIPPPPEEEE!! I am so delighted and so is he.  I can’t believe that his birthday is coming up, what do I do? Where do we have it? What theme do we have? Who do we invite? We have time but this year his birthday is not going to be overshadowed by Zach’s death, we are going to celebrate Aden, and we are going to celebrate his life!!!! My amazing wonderful awesome son!  So what do we do.. have a party at a park inviting friends and family or do we just do a small family party or what. 

With being a new school year I also started a new role, I am teaching, I can’t believe that I get to do something that I love so much, to love on and to educate the littles.  It is something that I never thought that I would do, I mean I was focused on Zach and I was educating the world about him.  I was learning as I went… however now I am with 9 other little ones teaching them that God loves them and that they are so incredibly important to me.  I am reminded everyday that they are gifts, to do all that they do, to be potty trained, to talk, to eat, to grow and to love.  I get to be part of it every day and I am honored.  It is sometimes odd to think that I get to play and have a good time.  I am still sometimes amazed that I am working somewhere where the women pray for those that they worth with and are positive.  We are rolling with the changes and are learning to be there for each other.

Over a month ago I gave up Diet Coke, yes, put your tongue back in your mouth!!! I gave it up because I wanted to be healthier, I gave it up because I was having major issues with anxiety and depression and while I have several valid reasons for those issues we wanted to make sure that the caffeine and all wasn’t part of the issue.  I loved the bubble that is what I thought I would miss but truth is I haven’t missed it.  I about a week ago had some and I thought it was the worst thing ever.  I am also trying we are rolling with the changes and are learning to be there for each other. to go to the gym, with the start of school it has been really hard to do it but I am still making it… I am going to the gum and I am going on walks as well.  I have missed going when I can’t but it is a bit of a struggle trying to get used to school, having a 1st grader (wait how do I have a first grader), working, cooking, clothes, etc.  I am learning how to have a new routine!.  I am thinking about starting the new app couch25k, I would love to be able to run a 5k next year.  I am not sure if I am crazy or not!

In work and in my workout life, I have developed new friends and for that I am thankful, ones that I can be myself around... teaching me to be girly. I got my hair highlighted for the 1st time and have my toes painted, and they are even painted in a multitude of colors.  I have ones that I stay up late talking to and who understand how it is to be part of a "club" that no one wants to be part of, I have ones that met me at the gym and work out with me, ones that are willing to pray with and are interested in my life.  Yes times have changed, they should be different but truth is God knows exactly what He is doing and I just need to hang on for the ride!

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