Thursday, July 19, 2012

the middle of July already!

Yes it has been a while… I decided after the event Remembering Zachary that I would take a bit of time and try to relax, little did I realize that the death date wasn’t going to be nearly as hurtful or upsetting as July 2 was.  My Beautiful, Amazing, Handsome and Loving little boy would have been a whole hand old this year.  Now I know that some don’t understand that but 5 is a milestone birthday, it is when they determine (most of the time) that they are a big boy/girl!  

Now in my mind Zach was always a big boy, not in size but in his ability to make it through situations.  I can’t think of a time that Zach wasn’t smiling or loving on me.  He might have been hurting and in pain, which he was OFTEN, but he still wanted to be part, keep going, and love on those that were important to him.  His birthday hit me HARD and I was truly upset, I know that he is in heaven, got it so before you say that I know that.  However, I still longed to be able to see him in front of me squirming and giggling as we sung Happy Birthday to him, I still longed to know what he would have wanted for a cake (or cupcakes) and I still long to know what he would have asked for as a gift.  I missed him! I still miss him! 

Now that I kinda explain the reason why there haven’t been posts in while I can now start on today’s post.

I have decided that I am going to make a life style change…. One to be healthier and happier.  The 1st major change is one that I never thought that I would say but I have given up my beloved Diet Coke.  I am no longer drinking it.  I thought that it would be hard to give it up but honestly it hasn’t been.  I am not drinking anything with bubbles in it, which is what I love, for at least a month then I will decide if I will add it back or not.  I am drinking lots of water, tea, crystal light and powerade zero 2nd I have decided to eat healthier and watch the calories that I eat and to make good food choices and 3rd I have joined a gym. 

In doing this, I have been using an app that is called my fitnesspal and I love it.  If you read this and use it private message me, text me, email me and I will give you my user name I would love to have you join me so I can have more accountability.  This is something that I really want to do but I know that I will struggle with it.  This app allows you to plug in your weight and your goal weight as well as how many pounds you would like to lose how fast and gives you a calorie limit.  You can then record your food intake, water intake, weight and other measurements (if wanted) and exercise.  

In doing this, I am also on the hunt for Healthy dinner ideas, as school is soon going to be back in session it means that we will have homework and I will have work, time is going to be shorter and I would love to have some ideas of things to cook.  Part of me not cooking is because of ideas, I love to cook and I know how to cook but ideas it is hard.  I would love to get some ideas if you have some. 

In doing this, we have decided as a family to do this… Adam and Aden are supporting me 100% and are encouraging me.  This brings me to something that I don’t think that I ever really realized.  Encouragement is majorly important!!!  This is something that I battle so I could have to do it on my own but it is easier emotionally to deal with when those that I love are doing it too.  I strive not to let myself down but sometimes knowing that others know helps too.  I have gotten so much encouragement from Adam that I can truly say it is amazing.  Adam has the opposite problem of me, he can’t gain weight, we figured out how many calories he eats and he on average eats more in one meal than I can eat all day but he doesn’t gain well.  So he understands what it is like to struggle, in doing this he is going to be eating healthier as well, just because he is thin doesn’t mean that he can’t make improvements.  So as a family and as friends we are starting this journey!

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