Wednesday, June 13, 2012

a day I am NOT ready for!!!

I have been sitting here wondering what I would write when this day came…

Tomorrow morning, early early in the morning it will be one year in which Zachary was blessed to go see and be with Jesus.  I remember family and friends leaving one by one, slowly emptying out our house which was totally filled with people not to many hours before.  We were waiting on a friend to come, one of Zach’s special people, one that he loved and adored, while waiting we all gently and quietly climbed up into his bed.  We said prayers and gave hugs and kisses, touching him would painful to him and so the quick kisses were all we did.  Adam and I left the room and Aden curled up on the couch, I layed down in the middle of the floor to talk to a few people online and Adam curled up with Zachary.  Zachary loved his daddy time and so bowed out and let Adam have his Daddy time.... Little did we know that would be the last time Adam would have daddy time with his little Zachary.  It would be the ultimate Daddy time of ushering Zachary from his arms into the loving and perfect arms of Jesus, immediately after that important friend got to the house gave Zachary a kiss, Zachary began to have trouble breathing.  Early on June 14, 2012, Zachary’s body no longer had the ability to fight and he took his last breath.  He was having an amazing Daddy time with his heavenly father, he got to met my mother. 

The year has been one that I can honestly say has had ups and downs…. We had moments we didn’t know how we were going to make it one minute and now we are literally one year past… we took it one second at a time, we did it one moment at time, and we did it one day at a time.  So tomorrow when I don’t think that I can face a day I will look back and say I can, a year ago I didn’t think that I could do one second. 

In the year since Zachary died we have seen the impact of mitochondrial disease in the lives of our friends, experiencing two of Zachary’s friends being blessed to go to Heaven.  We have experienced two families of multiple children get a definitive diagnoses of Mito and having to start a journey that has no rhyme or reason.  We have had a friend whose son got a tube and is on a journey to make his life better than it was.  I have started a job, Adam has started master’s school, and Aden has a new school.  We have new people in our lives that never knew Zachary and only hear us talk about him.  We have new friends that never laid eyes on anything but a picture but still fell madly in love with him.  We have people that we still have to explain to daily.  I also have some people that I couldn’t have made it through this year… I am blessed to have people that care about my family.

Yet somehow I can honestly say a prayer started to grow… My Dream of making people know and honestly feel like they aren’t alone started as taking things to the hospital and my prayer being to take one item more than what we could do.  This prayer and my heart’s desire turned into Remembering Zachary.  So in the morning I will get up joined with my family and we will battle through the tears and all the pain and we will take the familiar drive to the Scottish Rite hospital.  We will be passing on the legacy of Zachary’s life… smiles, hope, and love! He cared about everyone and wanted everyone to have a cupcake!!!

Please pray for us and for everyone that has had to say goodbye before they were ready to.  Please eat a cupcake for Zachary! Please wear orange or brown, help a friend, sticker a bit, and do bubbles!!! Please let us know that we aren’t alone and that Zachary still is remembered and that we aren’t forgotten!

Zachary, We love to you! There isn’t a day that we don’t miss you and don’t desire to have you laugh, touch, or help me give medications.  I pray that you are looking down and sending butterflies to make us smile and to give us HOPE!

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