A number of years ago I was getting done with Church and I was delighted to be pregnant and having a good time, considering the complications that I had during that time being at church, dancing with Aden and hearing what God was doing with our youth was amazing. We left church and went to have Mexican, one of my major yummy foods that I loved while pregnant, all I remember is having salsa and chips and being asked by the waiter if I wanted a straw for the salsa because I was basically drinking it.
It was month end for my husband, who at the time was an accountant for a national restaurant chain, and I knew that week was his week that he had to be at work. We joked about it and said if I could keep out of the hospital till the 4th that we could have fireworks and be okay with delivering our second child. Aden went to bed and Adam went to bed and I stayed up watching TV, I couldn’t get comfortable, midnight hit and I still couldn’t get comfortable, I tell myself that if I was still hurting at 2am that I would wake Adam up. I got in the tub and sat there trying to think of what we could do for the 4th that would be inside because the heat was unbearable, thinking that one of my friends had her daughter on the 4th, thinking that I have two close friends whose birthdays are the 6th and 9th. I wasn’t comfortable but when 2am rolled around, I told myself that IF I could wake up Adam by simply saying his name that I would go to the hospital. I whispered “Adam” and he woke up instantly. I told him that we needed to go to the hospital and that we needed to call the doctor. It wasn’t a debate, I fought having to call every time I hated being high risk and having complications I hated calling but that night I knew we needed to go and to call. They did tell us to go and we went.
We got there and the nurse was the one that did the last couple of my visits and decided because they checked me for the UTI or dehydration that she would check me to make sure that I wasn’t in labor. When she checked she found out that I was 9cm dilated and that she could feel the baby’s head. The midwife was called, Adam’s mom was called and I went down to a room. For not sleeping in over 24 hours, I had no idea that I was in labor or why I didn’t know. Adam’s mom went to get batteries; she was gone less than 15 mins. In those 15 mins the midwife sat down on the bed with me and I had my son Zachary Eli Moody born July 2, 2007
I didn’t know that day that my life would be changed so much, it would be a day that I think of often… what if I had known I was in labor? Would he have made it? We found out at his delivery that his cord was wrapped around his neck twice and then knotted. If I had known and gone in to the hospital earlier they would have stopped my labor and then there is a huge chance Zachary would have never made it.
Zachary should be turning 6 years old this year. I wonder what he would be into, how tall he would be, how much he would weigh, if he would still have his favorite color be brown, if he would be talking. I know that I would still get lost in his smile! I sit here and I wonder if they throw birthday parties in Heaven or if every day is such an amazing experience that it is no longer needed. I wonder if Zachary is in charge of cupcakes and if he is watching butterflies. I wonder if he is being hugged by my mother and if she is able to tell him how much I love him or if Zachary is able to tell my mom how much I love her and missed her. I wonder what would we have gotten him for his birthday and would he have been able to eat?
I will choose today to remember that I have two boys.
Cupcakes, butterflies, and Smiles all mean more now because of you Zachary, I miss you more than I the air I breathe and more than people understand. Your daddy misses Daddy Time (I miss listening to yall giggle and talk) and holding you in his arms. Your brother misses sharing a room with you. Your MaMaw misses you being in her arms. Your Papaw missing being able to walk with you. We all miss you, I miss sharing you with the world, miss letting you mean those in my life that mean so much to us.