Honestly..

I can honestly say that I can sit here and say I don't know what to say or type...I can honestly say that a lot that is swirling in my head right now are things that many won't get.  When a family has a child that is sick things a done differently, siblings grow up faster, parents adjust to different roles.  When that child or any child die people tend to treat them like they have some sort of disease that they can catch, now don't get me wrong they are there for a short season. But if I were honest with you people often are scared of saying the wrong thing or doing the wrong thing.  I can say sometimes not saying anything and not doing something hurts far worse that ignoring what is going on.

I honestly can't believe that I now have a 2nd grader, when did Aden get to be so big? Throughout this year I can see how he has grown, I can see how much he cares for his classmates and for the teachers that he has.  While I am sad to be leaving some of the people that I have been part of I know that God shut thre door for a reason.  While helping him hang up his calendar in his room yesterday I was encountered by a situation I didn't know that I could handle.  On June 14th he had it marked simply with zach. When I asked why he told me it was like another birthday for zach.  It was hard to tell himm that it was his death date but Aden simply said but momma it's important.  We marked his birthday so he will know and I sat and watched him finish his task at hand.

I honestly can tell you that it has hit me hard that I should have one graduating from Kindergarten this year, as I see one of his best friends graduate, I am reminded that his life was taken far too early, however, that no matter what God's plan is perfect.  I see pictures of the little ones that I love that are graduating and I take a moment and pray for them, what an honor!

I can honestly say that while I know without insurance things can be much worse but to find out how much my insulin pump is going to cost us out of pocket is hard to deal with.  Some how I dealt with all of zachary's things and we had all that we needed for him, I know that God was in it.

I can honestly say that while working on Remembering Zachary I am being reminded that little things matter.  We are collecting items to take to Scottish Rite to donate for the children that are there.  Zach often received things while we were there and they often helped us cope with all of the things that were going on.  We want to touch others and let others know that they are not alone!  We are collecting toys, puzzles, games, Xbox 360 games, movies, babies, playdoh, playing cards, craft supplies, balls, cars, etc.  I can shop for you if you can't make it to the store.  You can purchase online and have it shipped directly to me.  You can purchase it online and have it sent site to store (toysrus, target and Walmart all do that) I will be happy to tell you which locations are local to me.  You can send an electronic gift card, I will be happy to share my email address.  Even if all you can do is one item, it will touch one child, which in return will be touching one family

Honestly, things are swirling, fast and crazy but I am glad to be doing the things that I am doing