12... 12 what???

12 a simple number…. It can stand for a dozen of something.  It can be the number of any number of things, however, for me 12 stands for 12 hours. 

12 the number of injections in my knees and thumbs to help with the psoriasis all done at a doctor’s appointment that took an hour of my day to wait and 15 mins to see the PA

I got a pedicure done, my legs massaged, and my toe nails painted bright orange, think highlighter orange and got a butterfly on my big toes

I got my 2^nd holes changed to hoops, after the weeks that the starter earrings had to remain in.  I got to change them and I got to put hoops in.  Not a big deal I get it but for someone that doesn’t wear much jewelry and honestly who has NEVER worn earrings that weren’t studs, this is a huge thing for me.

I gave my best friend control to change my hair.  Yes, GAVE! See I have always had the same style… Never having bangs or layers.  Until this past 6 months I had never colored my hair.  I didn’t know what I wanted so I told her; she could do whatever she wanted as long as I didn’t look like a boy.  I think it is safe to say, I don’t look like a boy.  I just knew that I wanted something different and I wanted it to be short and well fun!!!

 

Why 12 hours?  See 12 hours was given to me as a gift as one of the ultimate signs of love and concern…my best friend gave me 12 hours.  She was willing to give up her day off to go with me to a doctor’s appointment to make sure that I voiced concerns that she has had to hear my cry over.  She was willing to watch the PA inject my knees and thumbs with 12 shots.  She was willing to help me schedule things that needed to be done that I have to have another adult at with me.  She sat and heard me call other doctors to voice concerns on new meds and things that I am learning about again.  She was willing to remind me to take meds, heck even waking me up when I fell asleep before I gave myself my meds.  She dragged me to get the pedicure because it was obvious that we both needed it.  She listened to me say that I didn’t want to look like a boy but that I would love to be more girly and ready for summer.  She took the time to listen to me respond to styles and to explain to her what I wanted for my hair.  She took the time to teach me the things that I needed to know to fix it.

So why am I telling you this… is it because I wanted to brag on her.  Well yes, I do want to brag on her, I am thankful that God has brought her to not only me but to my family.  But the main reason is because 12 hours isn’t a long time but it has made the biggest difference ever in my life and in how I feel about myself  If you know me you know that I very seldom put myself first, I am a servant and I rather serve you than have myself be served.  However, God really stepped down and showered me with love.  See I had asked several people to go to lunch, meet to pray, to just talk and we were all too busy and so I was feeling alone and isolated, not for anything that had gone on in the past but because of what is going on now.  I needed to know that I was going to be okay.  I mean I know that I am going to be okay but when you feel overwhelmed with life having someone invest in you makes a difference.

When is the last time that you cared enough to talk to a person, to a friend? I am not talking about small talk but to really find out how they feel and what is going on in their lives.  One of the changes that I am making to spend more time on others and on myself, to take the time to learn about the people around me.  How is their family? How are they?  I want to make a difference, I want to be the one that people know they can call on but also be the one that they know that I will call, come and help whenever they need it.  When is the last time that you helped someone not because of the appearance of things but because you were willing and able to do something that made a difference in their lives? No matter what they needed.

I can tell you it isn’t easy… I am sure it hasn’t been easy for those that truly know me to see me deal with the medical tests, doctor’s appointments and medications.  I am sure that they haven’t enjoyed watching me be so hard on myself and cutting myself down.  I am sure that it hasn’t’ been easy for them to change things about their own life to help me with my life.  I am sure they haven’t enjoyed the stories they have heard or the tears that I have shed while told them.  I am sure that they haven’t known what to say and worried that they were going to hurt me with words instead of help me with them.  I am sure that they just didn’t know what to do.  But truth is they did know.

They held my hands, wiped my tears, and heard my stories, didn’t discount my emotions or think that they would understand.  They have cooked dinner; they have taken care of my family when I didn’t want to.  We have laughed and had a great time in those 12 hours.  It starts with a moment, just a little time and desire to know.

 

How are you doing?